


Rapture

by katkinn95



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cutting, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Organized Crime, Physical Abuse, Romance, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Street fighting, Underground Dueling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 05:14:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2012313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katkinn95/pseuds/katkinn95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren, a headstrong teenager that deals with his abusive father and has to scrounge for money any way he can to pay for his adoptive sisters education, and Levi, a well paid editor at a prestigious publishing company, who is a total clean freak with a foul mouth and has very little tolerance for the general population.<br/>The two very different people lead two very different lives despite their similar back story. They would have gone about their their bleak lives never thinking they could find comfort in another person, until their worlds collide and each of them are changed forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first attempt at writing anything so bear with me as I try to figure it out LOL This is only the first chapter so it's nothing too exciting, just basically introducing some of the main characters. Ereri is pretty much the only ship that's gonna be focused on, but there will be some other pairings throughout the story. There will be some hardcore Ereri. Eventually. I promise.

_Levi_

The excited buzz of the club fell away as Levi followed Hanji down the dank steps into a dim and overcrowded basement. The harsh sounds of hyped cheers and hearty screams of the crowd pierced his ears and the odor of sweat and mold assaulted his nostrils. He was about to turn and question Hanji’s sanity for bringing him to such a hatefully polluted space but the shuffling figures in the center of the room had the burning question stuck in the back of his throat. The mob of on lookers formed a circle around two men. Or better described as one man and one dreadfully eye-catching boy.

He was tall. Much taller than his bulky opponent, and would have towered a solid foot above Levi’s head had he been standing next to him. His soft brown hair drenched with sweat, a few stray locks found themselves glued to his forehead. Crimson leaked from his soft nose leaving a trail over his delicate lips that disappeared into his mouth. The delicate curve of his strong neck paved the way to a pronounced collar bone that disappeared under a loose fitting khaki shirt that covered his arms completely. Levi found himself wondering what he looked like under that shirt and quickly shooed the thought away. Levi didn’t even know the boy, and he was already fanaticizing about what was under his deceptive clothing. His eyes followed the boy’s sturdy shoulders down his thick biceps and over his forearms. His fists hovered in front of his face, moving with incredible force and swiftness of a striking cobra, returning to their defensive position in front of his cheekbones. Even from across the room the striking colour of the boy’s eyes had Levi’s jaw hitting the floor before he even realized it.

An unfamiliar feeling shot through Levi but before he could identify what it was the boy’s leg came swinging forward, connecting with his opponent’s temple causing him to fall back in surprise. The boy’s leg returned to the ground and his fists were clenched and hovering in front of his face, waiting for his adversary to lift himself from the cement floor before striking his jaw with an iron fist. The two challengers had broken apart for a moment and were circling each other like contesting lions, hungry for victory.

The tension in the room was almost palpable and the burning in Levi’s chest alerted him to the fact that he had been so drawn to the fight and the glorious boy’s liquid movements that he had forgotten to breathe. The recycled air of the basement filled his lungs and left in a rush as he continued to watch the skirmish. The sparring continued and both opponents appeared to be evenly matched, until the final moves displayed the winner of the battle.

The shorter man lunged forward extending his fist towards the boy’s bared abdomen only to be left hanging in midair. The boy had been quick to move his lean body around the attempted punch and swiftly joined his right fist with his rivals jaw. The skin on his knuckles split, leaving a splatter of his blood on the man’s face after withdrawing his hand. The bulkier man dropped to floor in a heap and Levi watched as the younger moved towards his opponent taking hold of the collar of the others shirt, administering one final blow to his opponents face before being pulled off the male by another boy about the same age he guessed.

The fight was over and the crowd erupted into chaos. The circle dispersed and a mass of screeching girls swarmed the fights victor. Levi turned, expecting Hanji to be standing next to him and was left to stare at the cement wall that had been his company the entire time. The male scanned the crowd looking for the eccentric brunettes bouncing ponytail. He finally spotted her across the sea of people bouncing excitedly and talking animatedly to none other than Petra Ral.

Levi would never have expected to see Petra Ral, a New York Times bestselling author who was a client at Scout Legion Publishing Company, here in a dingy basement below a bar, watching organized street fighting. Petra was slight in her stature and stood only a few inches above Levi, her delicate appearance mimicking her soft personality. Her personality always left Levi wondering why exactly she was friends with Hanji, a loud and obnoxious journalist, whose personality was the polar opposite.

Levi could feel the beginnings of a twitch in his left eye from the growing annoyance over all the stimulation of tonight’s events. He wanted to get back to his apartment and rid himself of the stench of damp basement and scrub away the grimy feeling of being in such a filthy place. He began to make his way through the crowd. As he weaved between compacted bodies touching their sweat drenched figures, their obscene fragrances fixed themselves to his clothes. He made a mental note to burn them once he got home.

The packed space made it difficult to find any sort of sure footing, and Levi found himself suddenly free falling through time and space. His muscles tensed unconsciously as he prepared for the harsh impact of the cement floor. Although his thoughts were preoccupied with thoughts about how filthy the floor was, rather than how much it was going to hurt. Levi’s body slammed into something hard, but it certainly wasn’t the floor. His back hit a wall of muscles and strong hands were at his elbows supporting his unbalanced weight, pushing him into an upright position.

As soon as they came, the hands disappeared leaving a blazing heat on the in the spots that had just been touched. Twisting his body around in the cramped space he stood facing a broad chest, a dark t-shirt stretched across the evident muscles. Looking up, Levi’s icy grey eyes were met with brilliant pools of the Caribbean ocean, cool and soft and a harsh assault on Levi’s pulse. The boy that had been fighting was standing in front of him with amusement dancing across his features and Levi’s breath was trapped immediately in his throat. From across the room he had been striking, standing only a few inches away he was breathtaking.

The blood that had been gushing from his nose and smeared across his hand had been cleaned away but raw sores and purple bruises littered the otherwise perfect skin on his knuckles, in addition to the purple cloud that was forming on his angular jaw.

“Um, are you okay?” the words rolling pleasantly off the boy’s tongue in a voice like honeyed scotch.

“Yeah, thanks kid..” the words out of Levi’s mouth before he could actually comprehend that he was even speaking and heat flooded his cheeks as embarrassment coursed through him as he was brought back to reality and realized he just made a fool of himself .

“Erm.. Are you looking for someone..?” his voice trailing off, leaving the older male to fill in the blanks.

“Well I -“ Levi stuttered out, wanting to explain that he was indeed here with someone, but had lost track of them. His words were cut off as Hanji pushed through the crowd and squeezed between the two males. The tight quarters made it difficult to respect any sort of personal space and her body pressed tightly up against the boy’s chest, and for some reason Levi found himself wanting to pull her away and occupy her indecent position.

“You’re Eren right?!” She questioned animatedly. Her body jumping excitedly in place, her face closing in on his as she got as close as possible without actually connecting.

Eren’s name ran circles in Levi’s head and rooted itself permanently in his thoughts.

“Er umm, yeah…” His reply rolled through his lips over a throaty chuckle that made Levi’s insides squirm. The unfamiliar feeling made his head swim with confusion. What was happening to him? He had never felt like this around anyone before. Why this shitty little brat that he’d only just met? Wanting to escape the perplexing situation as soon as possible Levi reached out and grabbed Hanji’s arm to pull her away from Eren.

“We’re leaving now, Hanji” Levi said curtly attempting to pull her in the direction of the stairwell.

Her arm slipped through his delicate fingers and she bounced into Eren’s face once again “Not before we buy him a drink” she said excitedly, her body practically vibrating with eagerness. Hanji continued with a maniacal smile on her face “Plus Petra wants me to do some research, as she’s a little… preoccupied at the moment” Following Hanji’s gaze he found the delicate author practically glued to the side of Eren’s opponent. “I’m sure he’s got enough offers already, now come.” Levi growled through clenched teeth. His patience quickly waning due to the fact he was still standing in the crowded room. He wanted to get out of this cesspool and into his peaceful and CLEAN apartment.

“Not from anyone that matters” Levi heard Eren’s voice and looked up to see Eren’s brilliant eyes watching him, his gaze blazed with heat that made Levi’s stomach do back flips.

“See Levi, let’s go celebrate his victory with him” Hanji nearly screeched, throwing her fist into the air, obliviously missing the charged atmosphere surrounding the two males. Hanji’s hand took hold of his slight wrist and took Eren’s in her other hand. She ploughed her way through the crowd with her prey in tow and made her way up the stairs and over to the bar. The pounding beat of the music was deafening, and the room swarmed with people that were half dressed and grinding their bodies against each other. Disgusting, Levi thought to himself. A shiver ran up Levi’s spine at the thought of those strangers’ repulsive bodies being in such close proximity to his. The disturbing thoughts forgotten as Hanji guided them towards the bar and threw her hand up, motioning to the bartender. Three shots of clear liquid were placed in front of us and Hanji was pushing the small glass into Levi’s hand before he could refuse. He looked over at Eren to see him looking puzzled, glancing between Hanji and him. Poor brat. He had probably never experience any person like Hanji before. She was certainly one of a kind.

“Bottoms up” Hanji declared before tossing the liquid into her mouth, slamming the tiny glass onto the bar counter and the two watched as she bounced off into the mass of swaying figures.

“Well, here’s to you kid” raising his glass to Eren before tossing the liquid into his mouth. The bitter drink burning as it made its way down his throat and into his stomach. Setting his glass down on the bar the sound of suppressed gagging came from beside him. Looking over he found the teens face contorted into a grimace as he set his own glass back down.

Levi attempted to suppress the amusement he felt at seeing the young boy try to stomach the unpleasant drink, but couldn't help the snicker that escaped him. It almost made him feel bad as a deep blush filled the younger’s cheeks, but a wide grin settled onto the teens face exposing a perfect set of pearly whites. Levi internally withdrew any regrets he had for thinking of laughing at the boy for he had never been rewarded with such a beautiful sight before in his life. Seeing Eren’s smile made Levi’s heart jump into his throat and his pulse thrum heavily.

“Tch” the small noise escaped Levi and sounded much more condescending than he meant it. “Not really a big drinker kid?”

Chagrined amusement settled on the teen’s face, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth “Not really, and uh you can call me Eren”

Levi gave a slight nod, settling his features into his usual mask of hearty disinterest. Though that wasn't really the case as he continued to stare intently at the boy’s angelic features. Watching the boy fidget uncomfortably, under the man's intense stare, he fiddled absentmindedly with the ends of his long sleeves, pulling the end into the palm of his hands repeatedly. Eren’s eyes drifted past Levi’s gaze and settled on something behind the older man.

“Sorry, would you excuse me for a second, I’ll be right back” Eren slipped off the bar stool he had settled onto and flashed Levi another grin as he began to pass by the shorter male, a slight bounce in his step.

Levi’s eyebrow rose questioningly as he observed the teen following a short girl, her blond hair bundled on the top of her head in a tight bun, out of the bar. His stomach plummeting in what he could tell was unexpected disappointment, realizing that this girl must be Eren’s girlfriend. After several minutes of standing alone at the bar a familiar craving for nicotine crept its way into his thoughts. He thought of heaping stacks of manuscripts and silence that awaited him at home. Exasperated at the fact he was STILL waiting around for Hanji, and anxious to see the beautiful blue-eyed boy again Levi made his way out of the bar and settled against the brick wall just right of the bar’s entrance.

Retrieving the pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket of his leather jacket, he removed one letting it hang from his lips. After pocketing the pack once again he lit the cigarette taking a long drag. The familiar burn of smoke made its way deeply into his lungs before being expelled through his mouth in an angry huff. As Levi’s mind began to relax, he rolled his head to side finally noticing the only two other people on the sidewalk with him. Eren and the blond chick. Levi caught the tail end of their conversation as they were saying their goodbyes and watched as the girl discreetly handed Eren a thick stack of bills and turned on her heels, stalking away from the boy with a cold expression on her face. Eren turned around pocketing the cash and looked stunned to see Levi observing him so casually.

Levi realized he must have intruded on some personal business, but he didn't much care, staying planted against the wall and took another deep inhale from his cigarette as he regarded Eren. He thought about the enormous wad of cash that was now sitting in the brats pocket and how the large sum didn't reflect the teen’s image in the least. His ratty shirt from earlier had been replaced by a cheap, black long sleeve and a pair of dark wash jeans clung to his hips pleasantly, bottoms frayed with wear. On his feet he wore a pair of scuffed, beat up All Stars.

Hanji was a real winner at timing her entrances just when she really wasn't wanted. Before the two could exchange any sort of conversation the cheerful brunette fell clumsily out of the bar entrance and glanced between the two. She opened her mouth to speak but Levi silenced her.

“We really should be going, Hanji” Levi stated as he tossed what was left of his cigarette to the ground and stamped it out with his heel, saving Eren the embarrassment of explaining his situation to a total stranger. Pushing himself off the wall and towards Hanji, he grabbed her arm once more and attempted to guide her to her Toyota Corolla waiting for them across the street.

As if she were made of liquid she slithered out of his grasp and bounded towards Eren. Shoving something into his hand and recoiling quickly to dart across the street to where Levi was now standing at the passenger side of her car. She called out to Eren “I’d like to pick your brain a bit when you have a chance! My number is on the card!”

The boy nodded hesitantly in response as Hanji pulled away from the curb, waving heartily through the open window. The fluorescent lights of the bar, “Titan”, faded behind them and Levi turned back, watching Eren saunter up the sidewalk in the opposite direction they were headed. After meeting the teen that night something shifted in Levi, and he went home that night with his mind swimming with thoughts of Eren. .


	2. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a typical night in Eren Jeagers life unfortunately...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** This chapter contains scenes of physical abuse and self harm that may be triggering ***

Eren 

Eren watched as the car pulled away from the curb and barrel down the street, the brown-haired woman frantically waving out the window. He looked down at the small piece of card stalk in his hand as he turned around and started walking leisurely up the sidewalk. Her business card sat in his palm. Hanji Zoe. Social Media Journalist for the Garrison Newspaper and media consultant for Scout Legion Publishing. Eren pondered what she could possibly want to ask a nobody like him, as he slipped the card into his back pocket. 

Feeling the large stack of cash in his pocket he anxiously thought about the next round of bills that would be coming in soon. His father’s savings had gone towards their mothers medical expenses before she died and her life insurance and the money she had left them had dwindled quickly due to his father’s alcohol addiction, leaving Eren to scrounge for money to pay for the bills. Of course all the bill money was on top of the money he had to send away to his adoptive sister under their father’s name. Mikasa wasn’t aware of the situation Eren was in at home, of course why would she? 

Grisha, Eren’s father, and Mikasa’s adoptive father had sent her away to boarding school in Canada when Eren’s mother had died. She was two years older than Eren when his mother had passed from cancer when he was 8. He was rarely graced with her companionship due to the outrageous travel expenses he would have to pay for her to visit. It was probably for the best though, Eren thought. At least if she never came home she would never have to find out about what he tried so hard to hide from everyone. Even though he wanted to protect Mikasa from all the darkness that consumed his life, his heart hurt thinking about how much he truly missed his sister. She had always been the one to protect him when they were little. She had been the one to protect him from all the bullies at school that constantly beat him up for whatever reason they thought good enough. She had been the one that Eren would run to when he had a nightmare. She had been the one that had held his hand at his mother’s funeral when he couldn’t keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks. Her sympathetic silence and her resilient attitude comforted him in a way that no one had been able to after his mother died. He wanted to be strong like her. And he had to be now in order to protect her. 

A heavy lump sat in Eren’s throat as the memories of his mother’s death swam in his head, tears pooled in his eyes threatening to spill. He swallowed hard, not wanting to have his emotions bared to the world. It would be selfish of him to show any sort of weakness. That’s what his father had told him. Eren’s hand grasped at the key around his neck. Another memory of his childhood flooded his mind. This one of his father, from just after his mother had died. Grisha had come into Eren’s room and placed the key around his neck and told him that it was for a room. A room in his mind where he should keep all his feelings locked away from the world because it would make him weak to show them. He told Eren that he wouldn’t tolerate having a son that was weak in his eyes. 

The short walk flew by as Eren’s head spun, trying to collect himself, and he soon stood on the sidewalk in front of the house he had grown up in. The exterior simple in design: weathered, red bricks, three stone steps lead up to a wraparound porch with windows lining the walls. Eren recalled a time when he had considered this place his home; bursting with warmth and happiness, constantly beckoning him to hurry back. Now the house sat uninvitingly cold and desolate, an unfriendly reminder of what was. Eren drew in a few shaky breaths, slowing his breathing before entering the house. He could breakdown later, when he was alone, and invisible to the world. But he couldn’t have his father see him like this. 

When Eren entered the house he was greeted by a dark foyer. Turning left he saw his father slumped in his easy chair in front of the TV. Glass bottles littered the table and floor next to the chair. 

Eren breathed a sigh of relief. He locked the door and wanted desperately to escape to his room, but knew if his father didn’t wake up to a clean living room, he would be paying the consequences in the morning. He made his way into the living room and began collecting the bottles. With his arms full he navigated to the kitchen and nudged the light switch with his shoulder. The movement jostled some of the bottles and one slipped from under his arm, falling to the floor creating an ear splitting shatter in the dead silence. Shards of amber littered the floor. 

Eren’s heart stopped as he took in the state of the kitchen floor. Shit. He could hear his father’s annoyed and confused grunts as he tried to lift himself out of his chair and Eren had only seconds if he wanted to escape unscathed. He bolted across the kitchen, glass crunching under the soles of his converse, dumping the bottles into the recycling bin and turned just in time to come face to face with his father. 

“Tha'fucks this, boy?” his words low and slurred, Grisha’s hand moving haphazardly through the air catching Eren on the shoulder. The movement had caught him off guard as his eyes had been boring a hole in the ground, trying to avoid any sort of eye contact the man, afraid that the emotion from earlier was still evident on his face.  
“Nothing, I’m sorry dad; I’ll clean it up right away.” Eren said hesitantly, silently willing his father to go upstairs without a struggle.

“Damn right’ll clean it up, you worthless piece’a shit” a more forceful shove was thrown at Eren’s shoulder, the movement throwing him off balance, knocking him to the floor. The glass dug into his knees and the palms of his hands the way his father’s words dug into his heart, burrowing deeply inside him crawling to the top of the ever-growing pile of hurtful things he’s said to Eren. And no matter how much the punches or kicks or shoves hurt, they were nothing compared to the way the words hurt Eren; each one like a serrated knife being twisted deeper and deeper into his chest. 

But Eren deserved it. He had accepted this fact a long time ago, and that’s why he didn’t fight back when his father hit him. That’s why he didn’t scream and shout and defend himself against the barrage of physical and emotional blows his father administered on a daily basis. he couldn't bring himself to fight back against his father, his own flesh and blood. The man that had brought him into this world, and at one point nurtured and cared for him. That’s why he kept the bruises hidden as best as possible and never breathed a word to another living soul. When Mikasa had the time to call she would ask how Eren was doing, and he would always respond nonchalantly and avoid any details of his hectic life. When she would dig at him he would get angry with her. He would snap and tell her to mind her own business, and just worry about herself, and that was usually the end of the conversation.

A harsh kick in Eren’s ribs brought him out of his reverie - his breathing heavily labored - pain shooting through his side. His hands clutched at the bruising flesh, trying to recover his breath. A heavy fist collided with his already bruising jawline, landing his face into shards of glass, the sting of a fresh wound surfaced above his right eye.  
Scrambling to his feet Eren tried desperately to get away from his father but the back of his shirt was tugged, knocking him into the wall, the back of his head landing heavily against the solid surface. Grisha grabbed at the front of Eren’s shirt and threw him to the floor before landing a hefty kick to his son’s forearm.

“Clean’p this fuckn’ mess you wor’less brat” Grisha garbled as he staggered out of the kitchen and up the stairs, leaving Eren in a heap. 

Eren waited until he heard his father’s bedroom door slam close before hauling his aching body off the floor. His jaw throbbed and frowned deeply feeling his joints pop as he stood. He hurriedly swept the kitchen floor and disposed of the loose pieces of glass. He picked the tiny pieces of amber out of the palm of his hands and tossed them in garbage. Feeling his earlier emotions creep to the surface he escaped up the stairs and into his room. 

once he was alone he stripped his dirty clothes off his body and changed into a fresh long sleev shirt and boxers. Eren sat on the edge of his single bed; finally able to relax his overly tensed muscles. As the adrenaline dissipated, the pain of his torture started to grow. His hands stung with fresh cuts and the gash through his eyebrow ached when he frowned. He could feel the bruise on his jaw deepening quickly. Pulling his sleeve up his skin was already stained blue and purple with a dense bruise. 

Eren’s attention no longer focused on the bruises scattered across his skin but on the scars that littered his arms. He thought about the scars that extended from his wrists up his arms to his shoulders and then down his sculpted abdomen and down onto his thighs. The thousands of scars ranged in colours from pale white to deep purple. Some years old, and some recent. He traced his finger over his wrist and the freshest cuts from several days ago, a thick scab forming over the deep slashes he had inflicted on himself. 

His intentions were never to leave a scar. He had just felt so distant from himself. So numb. He just wanted to feel something, anything. He tried everything he could to feel alive again. Eren had only been 11 when he harmed himself for the first time. Seeing the blood pool in a neat little line on his skin made him realize he was still living. Still breathing. Still alive. And for a few minutes every day Eren didn’t have to think about the rest of the world. He didn’t have to think about how alone he was in the world. He didn’t have to think about anything but the biting of pain as he dragged a razor across his perfect skin. Before long a small cut here and there wasn’t enough for Eren. He craved the release it gave him and it soon became a vicious addiction for him. He sliced his skin up in every direction possible and created gaping wounds, mutilating his once pristine skin. 

Anytime he felt the cold darkness hovering over him waiting to smother him or his hot emotions bubbling up making his chest tight and eyes sting, Eren would run to his room and uncover a small box he kept in his closet containing the cold steel of his sanctuary. The only thing that brought comfort to his tormented life. 

Eren went over to his closet and uncovered the familiar box, bringing it back to his spot on the bed. He picked up one of the blades and let it sit in his hand, feeling the cool metal against his palm. Taking it between his fingers he pressed it against the delicate skin of his thigh and dragged the blade across his skin pressing lightly, testing its sharpness. The blade glided easily through his skin and blood began to surface. Relief washed over Eren as the blade bit deeper into his flesh, pulling it across his skin several more times, allowing Eren a moment of reprieve. 

When he was finally satisfied Eren tossed the blade back into the box after wiping the blood off the metal and set the box on his nightstand. He turned onto his side and Eren soon fell into a short and restless sleep.


	3. Favor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Levi gets roped into doing Hanji and Petra's dirty work, and he is absolutely dreading it..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a short chapter and nothing too exciting..sorry guys.. The smut will come sooooon. I promise.

Levi  
“No” Levi stated flatly. 

“Leviiiiii, please” Hanji begged, her gangly body draped over Levi’s desk, her face only inches from Levis. Hanji’s lips puckered up into a theatrical pout, her eyes shiny with false emotion, magnified by her thick, black rimmed glassed; her hands clasped tightly under her chin. 

“Tch. Petra can do her own research. I’m not running around doing her dirty work. This is a publishing company. We do not do our authors research for them. And for another thing why are you the one asking and not Petra” he queried uninterestedly. 

“She’s busy interviewing some of the other guys she met at the fight, and her deadline is coming up so I offered to help her out but I have a deadline for the Garrison so I have to get my story finished up by Thursday and then – “ Hanji babbled.

Levi had stopped listening to the brunette and had returned his gaze to the manuscript he was reading before Hanji had intruded his office.  
“I’m not an errand boy” he said, finally tired of the Hanji’s chatter. 

“But you’ll do it anyways cuz you love me right?!” she sang, bouncing around his desk to pull Levi into a tight hug.

“FINE! FINE! Just get off of me shitty glasses!!!” Levi hollered, pushing her away as fast as he could, shuddering at the unwelcome contact. 

It wasn’t that he was opposed to touching in general. He was actually quite an affectionate person. However, it felt too intimate - too personal - and if there was anything Levi wasn't good at, that would be it. 

Levi had felt like he was living in a glass box for most of his life. Always isolated from the rest of the word. Wanting and craving someone’s affection – physical and emotional – but when it was offered to him he would turn and run. Back when he actually made an effort for those he thought loved him, he was always left disappointed. Nobody was willing to stick around long enough to break his walls down. Nobody wanted to deal with his clean freak attitude, so they all grew tired of him and left. The flood of memories made Levi’s chest tighten with sentiment. 

He shook his head trying to rid himself of the painful recollection. Levi had resolved himself a long time ago to the fact that nobody would ever be patient enough to love him the way that he needed, so he cut all connections and only kept in contact with a select few that he just couldn’t rid himself of. Hanji was one of them. 

He had met the eccentric journalist when he first started working for Scout Legion publishing as a lowly secretary assistant with the limited responsibilities of filling cheap Styrofoam cups with stale coffee and delivering manuscripts to the editors. Hanji was a journalist for the Garrison newspaper and also worked for Scout Legion Publishing as a social media consultant. She often organized author signings and reviewed many of the books that the company published and became great friends with some of the company’s exclusive authors, such as Petra Ral. 

After his mother passed away when he was 18 he was left with nothing but the shirt on his back. His mother’s good friend Erwin Smith gave him a job at his publishing company. He worked tirelessly for a long while, and it was soon noticed. He started climbing in the ranks and was now acting as editor in chief at the age of 34.  
Hanji and Erwin were the only two people that Levi tolerated, and they were probably the only two people that would tolerate Levi and his tiresome nature. They tolerated his almost non-existent patience, and his clean freak attitude, and the constant profanity that never ceased to escaped him. 

The snapping of Hanji’s fingers brought Levi out of his reverie. 

“Earth to Levi!” she laughed sarcastically. “I’ll email you the questions that Petra wants you to ask later.” 

Levi responded with an unintelligible grunt turning his attention back to the hefty pile of manuscripts sitting in front of him. 

“You’ll be meeting him at the Starbucks on Trost st. tomorrow at 2:30, okay?” she confirmed. As she pulled out her phone and began typing furiously. 

“Yes, yes. Anything else shitty glasses? Or can I get back to my work now?” Levi growled, his patience waning quickly. 

“Ah, nope. That’s pretty much all the details I guess. Thanks Levi! You’re a real life saver” Hanji bounced across the room to the door, her hand resting on the smooth metal of the handle. 

“Eren” Hanji spoke as she turned back to face Levi.

“What?!” Levi exclaimed looking up at her quickly, the blood draining from his face.

“The guy you’re interviewing tomorrow.. Y’know, the kid we met at the bar, you remember him right?” she tried to explain, mistaking the panic on Levi’s face for incomprehension.

“Well anyways, you’ll meet him tomorrow. I better get to work, see ya later Levi!” Hanji turned on her heels and skipped out of his office, leaving Levi in the deafening silence of solitude. 

“Fuck.” Levi breathed as he watched his office door thump closed. Running his hand through his undercut he cursed out loud. “Shit.” What had he gotten himself into…  
Of course he remembered the boy. He remembered his soft brown hair that fell softly on his forehead. He thought about how it would feel to run his hands through that hair, how his delicate fingers would slip through it smoothly and how he would tangle them in the mess of chocolate. He remembered his height, and how the top of his own head only met with Eren’s prominent collar bone that jutted out like he hadn’t seen food in weeks. He remembered the thick wall of muscles that had broken his fall. He remembered the hands that had steadied him, and the blazing heat they left where they had touched him. He remembered the absolutely stunning blue-green of the boy’s eyes that reminded him of immaculate Caribbean oceans, and how he could probably drown in the colour if he stared long enough. He remembered the softness in his youthful voice and imagined how it would sound growling with pleasure as he squirmed beneath Levi. His indecent thoughts made the room feel much too hot, and made Levi wonder why his pants felt indecently tight all of a sudden. Of course he remembered. How could he forget? Thoughts of Eren had planted themselves into Levi’s mind like the fixed roots of an aging willow tree. His head had been swimming with thoughts of Eren ever since they met in the dingy basement of the bar Titan that Hanji had practically dragged him to. 

He couldn’t possibly face the boy that had been constantly occupying his thoughts for days. That had bad news written all over it. His self-control would crumble and he’d end up taking the boy home with him. And then when Eren finally figured out what Levi was really like he’d leave him. Just like the rest of them. And Levi would be left alone once again, and would just have another memory to repress. Another memory to stuff into the vault - that was already at overcapacity - that he tried so desperately to keep sealed and locked away so he would never have to relive the tender memories. 

Levi had let some of those memories surface, his chest tightening, making it difficult for his lungs to keep exchanging oxygen. He couldn’t let himself feel like that anymore. He had been burned too many times to even think about letting someone else in only to be left with another scar on his already marred heart. 

He tried to bury the thought that he could even have a chance with Eren. He probably didn’t even like dudes. Thoughts of the blonde chick he saw with Eren at the bar crept into his mind. He could have any girl he wanted. There was no reason to believe that Eren would actually want someone like Levi. But for some reason there was a slight glimmer of hope somewhere deep inside that Levi wanted so desperately to cling to. Maybe he would be different. Maybe Eren would be the one that would finally destroy the bulletproof glass that Levi had built around himself. Maybe, just maybe, he would be the one. 

Levi shook his head vigorously banishing any thought that Eren would be any different from the rest of them, silently reprimanding himself for having any sort of false hope. Levi had promised himself he would never allow someone to toy with his heart again. He was fine with being alone, he enjoyed his solitude, Levi tried to convince himself of this fact as he tried frantically to exile the thoughts of Eren from his mind. 

Well, there was no escaping it now. He had agreed to help, and Levi never went back on his word. He would have to meet with that stupidly gorgeous brat and get through the interview as quickly as possible so Levi could get home and smother his feelings for the boy with a bottle of scotch and never have to think about him again.


	4. Routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Jean is actually my bby and I love him so much but he's just so easy to make into a bad guy, so unfortunately he's a total creep in this chapter. Also, this is my first attempt at writing smut.. I hope it's not as awful as I think it is OTL

Eren

The vibration of Eren’s phone filled his silent room with a resounding buzz. He picked it up off his nightstand and glanced at the screen, seeing that he had received a text message from Hanji. 

He had contacted her several days ago, curious as to what she would want to pick his brain for. 

It turned out that she was good friends with a hot shot author that was writing a book about an underground street fighting and Hanji was helping her out with some research for the book. 

Eren was apprehensive about talking to anyone about his personal life. It made him uneasy to think about strangers digging around his life and possibly finding out about what was going on. Although he was desperate to get out and could easily leave anytime he just couldn’t bring himself to leave the house he grew up in, the house that had given him so many good memories that he kept close to his heart. He couldn’t just desert his own father. He didn’t have the heart to just up and leave; to make him to fend for himself. He wouldn’t be able to survive without Eren bringing home the money to pay for their food, the bills, and Mikasa’s school expenses. And of course the countless bottles of beer, vodka, and scotch his father purchased daily. He constantly thought that if anything ever happened to his father he would be the one responsible, or worse if he died because of Eren he would have to tell Mikasa that he had killed their father, and Eren would never be able to live with himself. 

Eren understood that he deserved his father’s discipline, he knew he must have done something wrong to deserve the beatings he got from his father; Grisha loved him and was only trying to do what was best for his son. But if he was being honest with himself Eren was terrified of what his father might do to him if he disobeyed his father and left.  
Hanji was relentless though and insisted that he wouldn’t have to answer any questions that he didn’t want to and that the details of his answers would not be published. He finally caved and agreed to meet with her tomorrow afternoon. 

Turning his attention back to his screen he read her text:  
“I won’t be able to make our meeting tomorrow so one of my colleagues, Levi, is going to interview you instead. He’ll meet you same place, same time that we agreed on. He’s short with black hair. You’ll recognize him when you see him. Sorry for the last minute change and thanks again for doing this Eren!! ”  
Shit. Did she mean they guy he met at his fight? He thought back to that night as he replied to Hanji, thanking her for letting him know about the change, though he wasn’t particularly grateful. 

They had met right after he had finished his match. He literally fell right into Eren. Eren had to admit that the man was incredibly appealing, and he felt an undeniable attraction to him the moment they met. It wasn’t possible to be that gorgeous, could it? He wanted to stretch his hand out and push the feathered hairs of his of black undercut off of his face, and run his fingers over his ivory skin. He wondered if Levi would’ve liked him to do that. Eren banished the thought as soon as it entered his mind. The guy showed absolutely no interest in him. And why would he. Eren was nothing special. He wasn’t exceptionally attractive like the man that had been standing in front of him and it wasn’t like anybody could ever actually be attracted to a body that was covered in scars anyways. That had been made extremely clear to him. Nobody could ever want someone as broken as him. He was more trouble than he was worth. 

Eren used to be a real chatter box when he was given the opportunity. He and his best friend Armin would gush over places they wanted to travel and people they wanted to meet and things they wanted to learn. But Armin had graduated from high school early and was offered a scholarship at a prestigious university and after he accepted the offer Armin didn’t have time to spare to hang out with Eren. Eren knew this and never made an attempt to take Armin away from his studies, wanting what was best for his friend, not wanting to be a burden to him the way he always was when they were children. Eren used to constantly get his best friend into trouble, always dragging him off to explore some forest they had yet to investigate. The thought of his best friend and all the good times they had together made it hard to swallow around the lump sitting in Eren’s thoat. 

The night he met the black haired male, he was rendered speechless. He was quiet and awkward and didn’t have any idea what to say to the man. All he could do was gawk at him. And all Levi did was stare back at Eren with monotony plastered all over his delicate features. Great, he thought to himself. He hadn’t had a clue what to say to Levi in the short time they were at the bar together, and now he was going to have to sit face to face with him in a cramped coffee shop. Awesome. 

The buzzing in his hand broke Eren out of his daydream. Another text appeared on his screen, making is stomach drop; it was from Jean. 

“You busy? ;)” The text was simple, but Eren knew what it meant. And it made his stomach do backflips. 

Jean and he had attended high school together with many of their friends, and they never saw eye to eye on anything. They had landed their asses in the principal’s office on multiple occasions for fist fighting on school grounds, and had even started a fight in the middle of class once. 

Although Eren and Jean hated each other’s guts, they had several mutual friends, including Jean’s boyfriend Marco. Eren and Marco had hit it off the moment they met, but Marco was like that. Always making friends with pretty much everyone he met. He was smart, caring, captain of the football team, and never spoke a bad word about anyone ever, and Eren thought he was an absolute lunatic for choosing to be with an ass like Jean. 

Jean was an unbelievable flirt and always wanted what he couldn’t have. Constantly flirting with everyone he talked to, girls, boys, it didn’t matter. He and Marco had even broken up once because he had caught Jean cheating. But Marco was too nice to stay angry at him. Jean groveled at his feet and begged Marco to take him back, and he finally caved. Since graduating, Marco had gone to study abroad, and Jean had no one around to keep him company. All their friends having gone off to college, Eren was the only one left.  
Although Jean didn’t know anything about Eren’s personal life, it was evident that Eren was always looking for ways to make money, so he offered to pay Eren every time they met up and he would make Eren’s services worth his while. Eren had refused at first of course - keeping Marco in mind – but Jean had convinced him that they had broken up before Marco’s departure, claiming that it just wasn’t feasible for them to have a long distance relationship. 

It had been the last thing on earth that Eren wanted to do. It made his stomach turn even thinking about selling his body; it still sent shivers up his spine thinking about it. But he had bills to pay, and Mikasa to think of. She was still under the impression that their father was currently a practicing surgeon and was able to afford her extraordinarily expensive education and accommodation expenses, even though he lost his licence several years ago. So, he did what needed to be done. 

Eren didn’t receive gentle touches or soft caresses or tender words whispered in his ear. Jean was not slow and gentle with him. They rarely if ever spent anytime afterwards lying there with their bodies intertwined. They didn’t make love. They fucked. Eren was a tool for Jean. Just something to help him get off once in a while. 

Jean was quick, and rough, and turned his back on Eren when he was finished with him. He would tell Eren that he was a waste of space, and that he could never find someone that could stomach the sight of his tortured body. He told him that no one could ever truly love him, and that would never find someone that would put up with his bullshit. Jean convinced him that there wasn’t a soul on this earth that could ever want or love him, except for him. And Eren believed him. He knew all these things were true, and Jean was just stating the obvious. 

Eren really didn’t want to see him, his stomach already churning with apprehension but he thought about the stack of bills sitting on his kitchen counter waiting for him. He hadn’t gotten as much from his last fight as he had been expecting, and he needed the boost to cover his expenses. 

“When?” he typed in his phone and pressing send. 

Jean’s response was almost immediate “Come now”

“Fine.” he replied. 

Scooting off his bed he stood and walked over to his chest of drawers. Grabbing a fresh pair of boxers out of the almost empty drawer and replacing the ones he was currently wearing. He plucked up his only pair of jeans up off the floor and slid them on before pulling the simple black long sleeve over his head that he’d been wearing for the past week. He would have to do laundry soon, he thought as he made his way to his closet and dug around in a pile of junk until he found his green canvas jacket. It was light, but it would be better than nothing. He deposited his wallet, keys and phone into his jean pockets and trotted downstairs. His father sat in his usual spot in front of the T.V. already sound asleep. Eren slipped out the front door and locked it behind him, hoping his father would be in his room or at least still asleep when he returned.

The late November weather was especially crisp as he made his way down the sidewalk towards Jean’s apartment in the dimming light of the setting sun. The stiff winds biting at his skin and blowing through his thin layers forcing him to sprint the entire way. As he ran, he thought about the interview tomorrow. He wondered was kind of questions he would be asked, but mostly he thought about the person that would be doing the asking. He thought about Levi’s soft black hair, his pale skin and his piercing blue-grey eyes. He thought about what kind of work Levi did, was he a journalist too? And if not then how is he connected to Hanji? Was she his girlfriend? The thought that Levi might already be taken made him stop in his tracks. He couldn’t think about him anymore. He couldn't allow himself to get his hopes up only to be left disappointed. 

With his throat dry and scratchy and his lungs burning deeply from breathing in the crisp air, Eren finally reached Jean’s apartment after twenty minutes. 

The building stood between to others, all three almost identical. The center one where Jean lived was a boring grey colour, with large floor to ceiling windows occasionally breaking up the dull colour of the building walls. He sauntered around to the back of the building intending to use the back door he knew was always unlocked. The only downside was it only connected with the stairwell so he had to walk up several flights to get to Jeans floor. Eren pulled open the heavy metal door and let it slam closed behind him as he began the trek up to the seventh floor. 

Eren stood outside of the familiar door staring at the little 104 that was mounted on the richly stained wood. Sucking in a deep breath, he knocked on the door, bracing himself for what was ahead of him. He could hear footsteps approaching the door and then it swung open revealing the tall boy. A short mop of flaxen hair flopped over his milk chocolate undercut. Eren’s eyes skimmed over his clear, fair skin and rich hazel eyes. He was tall, with a slim build, and lean muscles. It wasn’t that Jean was ugly, he was actually quite nice to look at, but it was when he opened his mouth that Eren had the urge to punch his lights out. 

“Took you long enough” Jean stated, stepping to the side and widening the opening of the door allowing Eren to enter. 

Eren walked through the front hall into the living room, removing his jacket on the way and tossing it onto the couch. His apartment was completely furnished with expensive furniture and a large flat screen TV that sat on a sleek black stand above several of the latest game consoles. Jean was lucky enough to have rich parents that spoiled him and purchased the apartment for him and lavished him with as much money he requested. Some people had it so easy he thought. It burned him up inside thinking about how undeserving some people were of their wealth, taking their fortune for granted and never giving a second thought about throwing their money away on such frivolous things when there were people struggling just to eat. 

Jean trailed into the living room, interrupting Eren’s thoughts, flopping down onto the couch. The soft leather giving slightly under his weight. 

“Watcha waiting for Jeager, it aint gonna suck itself” he said smugly, his stupid mouth set into a sarcastic smirk. 

Rolling his eyes, Eren sauntered over to the couch and settled onto Jeans lap, straddling him. No sense in wasting time, he might as well get it over with. 

Eren crushed his mouth into Jeans forcing his mouth open allowing his tongue to slip into Jeans hot mouth. Their tongues soon fell into an acquainted routine, exploring each other’s mouths in urgency. Breaking the kiss, Eren moved his lips over his angular jaw and down his neck biting and sucking at the sensitive skin leaving a trail of deep hues of pink and purple. Looking at the bruises made him think of another man’s pallid skin he’d like leave the same marks on. 

Eren’s hands wandering over his broad chest and down to the hem of his t-shirt pulling it up and over Jeans head. With the fabric gone leaving Jean’s chest exposed, Eren moved his lips across his color bone and down to his nipple, circling the hardening tissue with the tip of tongue before taking it between his teeth and tugging gently, his other hand running up his firm abdomen to his other nipple, rolling it between his fingers before moving his mouth to his other nipple to repeat the process. He listened to soft groans escape Jean’s lips, his head pressed into the back of the couch as his fingers gripping the supple leather beneath him. 

Eren could feel Jean’s arousal growing beneath him. His right hand snaked its way between his legs and cupped the sizable bulge while his other hand rooted itself into Jeans hair pulling his mouth back to his briefly. 

Slipping off Jean’s lap, Eren kneeled on the floor his hands busied themselves undoing the leather belt at Jean’s waist and slipping both his jeans and boxers off at the same time allowing his erection to spring free of its confines. 

Eren brought his hands up to Jean’s his hips tugging them forward to rest on the edge of his seat. Pushing his thighs a part Eren’s head settled between Jean’s legs, slipping his mouth over the head of Jean’s cock. Eren bobbing his head up and down as his hand worked its way up and down its length. 

“Ah, fuck” Jean cursing at the surge of pleasure Eren was delivering him, his cock hard and slick with precum.

Leaving his hand to its work he worked his mouth down his length leaving a trail of saliva. Careful not to bare his teeth Eren took one of Jean’s balls into his mouth, sucking and pulling gently, then doing the same to the other. With his mouth busy Eren kept his hand moving steadily up and down his cock, circling his head, messaging it with the palm of his hand every time he reached the top before sliding it down his shaft to the base. Running his tongue back up his member he licked up some of the moisture that was beginning to drip. His mouth sliding over the top, his tongue swirling around the tip over and over moving the tip of his over his slit. 

“Jesus Christ” Jean’s hips bucking at the sensation. One of Jean’s hands lifted from the couch and grabbed a handful of Eren’s hair keeping his mouth steady as his hips thrust upwards forcing his cock deeper into Eren mouth until it was hitting the back of Eren’s throat. At least he didn’t have a gag reflex, Eren thought to himself, or this would be a whole Hell of a lot worse. Jean’s rhythm quickened and his groans became snarls of pleasure until his movements stopped altogether, finally finding his release, and unloading himself into Eren’s mouth. 

He sat back swallowing the vile substance as quickly as he could. He wished that he could leave now and begin the long, cold walk home but he knew Jean wouldn’t be satisfied yet, he rarely was. He sat there watching Jean’s labored breathing return to normal, waiting for him to tell Eren what he wanted next. Jean stood up on shaky legs and dragged Eren to the bedroom, pushing him roughly onto the mattress. 

“Take your clothes off” Jean told him. 

Eren peeled his clothes off his body, suddenly becoming incredibly aware that Jean was staring at his scars, waiting for the garbled response of disgust that always followed as he threw his clothes to the floor.

Jean stood at the edge of the bed and took his member into his hand and began to thrust into his palm. 

“Touch your self Eren” Jean instructed, watching him from the end of the bed. 

It wasn’t the first time Eren had had to do this for Jean, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. He felt completely humiliated touching himself while Jean watched. He tried his best to ignore the fact that Jean was getting hard watching Eren jack off. It was difficult for Eren to even think about being slightly aroused by this. He felt as much aroused now as when he used to watch re-runs of The Flinstones. 

Closing his eyes Eren imagined himself in his room alone and started to run his over his sculpted abdomen, and down to his cock. Taking himself into his hand he ran his fingers up and down his length. He soon found himself completely hard, imaging long slender fingers wrapping themselves around his member, working him over. He imagined a head of black hair settled between his thighs and piercing grey eyes glancing up at him. His cock twitching with pleasure, he let out a dull moan. 

Eren felt the mattress dip under Jeans weight and then suddenly Eren was flipped onto his stomach and his knees being pushed forward, forcing his ass into the air. One of Jean’s hands found its way around his neck, fingers curling around his throat. Steeling himself for what he knew was coming; Eren grabbed handfuls of sheets and bit into the fabric. Jean thrust roughly into Eren without warning; Eren’s whimpers were lost beneath Jean’s deafening moans. Pulling back Jean slammed back into Eren, burying his length inside of him, filling Eren completely. 

Jeans motions were rough and hurried as he continued to thrust into Eren; trying his best not to cry out against the discomfort Eren sank his teeth deeper into the material. Tears strated to gather, threatening to spill. Eren blinked quickly trying to rid himself of them. 

Jean climaxed quickly, releasing himself inside of Eren before removing his member and collapsing onto the bed. Not wanting to spend a minute more here than ha had to Eren hurriedly got off the bed, his muscles screaming in protest. Slipping on his clothes, he ignored the deep twinge of pain he felt from Jeans assault. 

“Where is it?” Eren asked, knowing that Jean would understand what he was asking for. 

“Coffee table.” he mumbled in response, his face buried into his pillow. 

Eren escaped the bed room and made his way back to the living room, grabbing his jacket off the couch and slipping it on. Moving his attention to the mahogany coffee table he found a stack of bills tucked under a coaster. He counted out the six hundred dollars before tucking the money into his wallet. At least it was worth it he thought. Maybe he’d have some left over this month to buy himself the new pair of jeans he needed last month. 

Having what he came for, he slipped his converse on and started on his journey home.


	5. Rendezvous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been WAAY too long since I updated this fic so..here it is..also apologies for the short chapter I'll update again soon I hope :)

Eren stepped through the doors of the small Starbucks on Trost street, the warm, rich air enveloping him, pulling him forward away from the chilled air of late autumn. The small shop was unusually busy for a Tuesday afternoon, the tables filled with groups of people sipping their bitter coffees with their noses in books, tapping away on their laptops, or sharing the latest gossip with their friends.

Eren strolled up to the counter "Hey Connie!"

"Hey Eren! What'll it be today?" The shorter boy standing behind the register greeted Eren cheerfully.

"Just the usual." Eren replied with a grin. He always meant to try one of the fancy lattes or frappes they offered but he never really got around to it, he always just ended up ordering his favourite: white hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon.

Eren started digging around in his pocket for some loose change but Connie stopped him "Your date already paid" Connie said nodding at someone somewhere behind Eren. Eren turned eyeing the petite man sitting in the far corner of the cafe near the window. Levi. The ravens delicate features well defined in the soft daylight streaming through the large windows. Eren didn't think he could get much more beautiful than the last time - the first time - he had met the man. Eren's heart skipped a beat.

"He's not my date" Eren defended himself

"Maybe he should be" Connie grinned widely still staring at the stranger in the corner.

"EREN" a young bouncy brunette named Sasha called from behind the counter. As soon as she had called his name Levi's steel eyes were glued to Eren, who was openly gaping at the man from across the cafe. Eren turned quickly to retrieve his drink, his cheeks burning from the embarrassment of being caught staring.

It wasn't as if Eren was scared or intimidated by Levi..well..only a little. But not in a bad way, just in the "I'm sitting infront of the most inhumanly gorgeous man on Earth and making a fool of myself" sort of way. Well, Eren would have to face Levi at some point and he figured he shouldn't keep Levi waiting any longer. He walked over to the set of deep leather sitting chairs that Levi had claimed. As Eren approached he could feel Levi's eyes on him and colour rising to his cheeks.

Eren took the spot directly across from Levi, shrugging out of his canvas jacket.

"Uhhm..hi again. I don't know if you remember me, I'm-"

"-Eren" Levi finished for him.

"Uh, yeah." Eren was a little taken aback that Levi would remember him.

"Levi." The older male extended his hand, Eren taking it willingly praying his hands weren't gross and sweaty from being nervous. Levi's pale, delicate fingers wrapped gracefully around Eren's, gripping it firmly.

"I know. It's nice to see you again" Eren smiled warmly, their hands still grasped together.

Levi cleared his throat softly, "Well we'll get started then" taking his hand back from Eren and pulled out his MacBook.

Levi began firing questions that for the most part were impersonal that had to do with the business side of his fights like how much each fight was worth, how often they were scheduled, and so on. Eren answered them all to the best of his ability but he had never really had to think about it all before. Annie, his so called 'manager' had always taken care of the business side of things, all Eren had to do was show up, throw a few punches and get paid. As Levi's, or well, Petra's questions began getting more personal Eren couldn't help feeling a little violated. No one knew this side of Eren other than those involved in his extracurriculars but not even they really knew who Eren was. He was just a prized fighter to them that would make them a buck. It felt odd letting someone on the outside in on all of the highly secretive and illegal things that went on during, before and after all his fights. Although Eren was a little out of his depths he couldn't help but feel comfortable with Levi, a safeness almost.

"How did you become a part of the underground fighting ring" Levi read off his MacBook, fingers ready to start tapping at the keyboard, recording Eren's answers.

"I uhh..I was just hanging out at a bar one night 'cause the bouncers know me so they let me hang out there and this asshole beside me was bugging this girl..and so she tells him to get lost but he keeps bugging her so I go up to him and I'm just like 'I think the girl told you to get lost' and this asshole brushes me off and he's like getting handsy with her so I just kinda lose it and deck this guy right there. And then y'know he gets a few good punches in but I get him on the ground and the guys had to pull me off and they tell me to go home and cool off or whatever and this girl follows me outside and tells me who she is and next thing I know I'm her mutt in this whole dog fighting circle.." Eren started to ramble, his words flowing easily

"What motivated you to join"

Eren paused. He couldn't just unload the 'dead mother, alcoholic father, clueless adopted sister' story. "Uhh, just let off steam I guess" he trailed off looking down at his hands clasped in his lap thinking about the real reason why he did what he did.

Levi regarded Eren, knowing full well that blowing off steam was not the reason he fought. He had watched the boy fight, and he wasn't just having fun, he was fighting for something, and fighting hard for it. There was a fire in him when he was in the ring, something driving him to the edge of his humanity threatening to push him over the edge.

But Levi said nothing. He shut his MacBook and placed it back in his leather satchel. "Thank you Eren for your time, Petra or Hanji will be in touch I'm sure." Levi said standing and gracefully slipping into his Armani blazer. Eren did the same with his jacket.

They walked out of the small cafe together and grasped each others hands once more, their touch lingering before they pulled away.

"Well. See you around Levi" Eren waved walking away. "Bye." Levi watched as Eren made his way down the sidewalk, the young boys shoulders slumped, his head ducked under the collar of his light jacket. That idiot, he'd catch a cold if he was walking around in this weather like that.

Levi walked to his black Audi, making himself comfortable in the soft leather of the drivers seat, turning the key in the ignition. He pulled out of the tight parking lot and pulled up beside Eren, rolling the window down "Eren. Get in."

It was unlike Levi to do any favors for people he didn't know well. He cared deeply for the people he knew well, and would kill for them, but he didn't really put himself out for people he barely knew, but for some reason this brat had him leaning across the console pushing the passenger door open. Eren hesitated for a moment before practically jumping into the heated interior, pulling the door closed as he did so.

"Where to?" Levi asked, shifting the car into drive.

"47 Rose street." Eren answered "Uhh thanks for this Levi"

"Sure." Levi glanced at Eren, the boys eyelids drooped, his head resting against the window. He turned to heat up, warm air blowing trough the vents against the Erens chilled skin.

Before Eren realized it the soft purr of the engine was lulling him to sleep, the expensive leather seats more comfortable than his worn out mattress that he hadn't even made it to last night since he was busy paying bills and cleaning the house once again.

Levi wasn't one for small talk so he was rather relieved to see the younger occupied an unable to attempt awkward chit chat. Eren was beautiful when he slept, the permanent furrow in his brow relaxed, his features peaceful. His soft lips parted slightly, his breath coming softly and slowly. His hands that he had had clasped tightly, fingers wrung together with anxiety in the cafe now sat limply against his worn jeans his slender fingers stretched out over his lean thigh.

Levi drove the rest of the way avoiding pot holes, occasionally looking over to make sure Eren stay asleep, and eventually pulled up outside the address Eren had given him, the boy still fast asleep. Levi reached over to squeeze Erens shoulder gently waking him. Eren stirred slowly and then feeling the pressure on his shoulder jolted upright as if he were shocked awake, shying away from the unexpected contact. Levi withdrew his hand startled at the boys reaction. And he thought he disliked contact..

The shock and fear draining from Eren's features "Oh..sorry. You just startled me. Did I sleep the whole time?!" Eren was surprised he had fallen so deeply asleep, usually his sleep was more like restless broken naps, he never actually slept soundly anymore, his mind always too preoccupied with listening for his father to come up the stairs and knock him around a little more before passing out.

"Yeah." He replied watching Eren stare out the window at the brick house with what looked like dread "And you snore like a foghorn".

Eren turned to Levi, horror covering his features "DO NOT" defending himself. 

"Seriously" Levi chuckled "You sound like a freight train" 

Eren rolled his eyes and smirked at the older man. The lightness of their joking waned as he turned his attantion to the door handle.

"Well, thanks Levi" Eren faced him his eyes hooded, the furrow in his brow returned. Levi said nothing, just nodded. Eren stepped outside before he could close the door Levi stopped him leaning over. "Call or text me if you need a ride somewhere. You'll get sick if you walk around in that shitty jacket, brat."

"I don't get sick" Eren took the card that Levi offered him with a smirk "Thanks!" He shoved the card into his pocket, making his way to the front door, turning to see the tail lights of Levi's car pulling away from the curb.


	6. Haven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys make me so happy with your comments, amd I'm glad you are enjoying it so far :3  
> As always any kudos and comments are MUCHO appreciated <3

Levi

Over the next few days Eren occupied the majority of Levi's thoughts. His mind clouded with the memory of the boy sleeping peacefully in his car, followed by the expression of fear. Levi thought about it a lot, sure, he himself didn't particularly enjoy uninvited contact, and he too would have been slightly dazed after being woken up by a stranger in their car...but what Eren's expression showed wasn't entirely surprise, but absolute terror. Levi wanted desperately to know what could possibly frighten the boy so horribly.

Levi found himself checking his phone several times a day, not wanting to miss a text from the boy. Unsurprisingly he found nothing but a mountain of emails from Hanji, Petra, and some other colleagues to which he replied to punctually as usual.

The raven sat among piles of manuscripts organized neatly around the edges of the rich wood desk, none of them particularly catching his interest, for hours. When four o'clock rolled around he gathered his things and made his way to his car. Heavy rain pelted him as he rushed for cover. Levi drove an unfamiliar route through town winding up at the Starbucks on Trost he had visited several days early.

The small cafe was just as busy as the last time he was here, though surprisingly the seat he had occupied was open. He took his tall black coffee over to it and settled in with some work, trying to distract himself from the dreary weather outside.

Customers came and went as Levi sat waiting for the retched weather to turn, though it seemed unlikely for a while anyways, the rain hadn't let up for hours. Levi watched as the droplets hit the pavement in sheets, puddles forming in the uneven asphalt, and then he was watching a boy. A boy in a green canvas jacket trudge along the sidewalk towards the front doors of the cafe. Eren was drenched and shivering, his eyes glassy as if tears were threatening to spill, were glued to the floor as he quickly made his way past Levi and into the men's room. Minutes that felt like hours to Levi dragged on. No Eren. Levi didn't have a clue what he was doing until it was already happening. He got up from his spot and knocked lightly on the door Eren had entered.

No answer. He knocked again.

"Just a second" a muffled broken voice came from the other side of the door.

Levi ignored it and tried the handle. Finding it unlocked he pushed gently against the heavy door and stepped inside. Eren sat on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest, his head snapped up at the sound of someone entering and shocked to see who it was.

"Eren." Levi had nothing else to say, he was at a loss for words seeing Eren in such a state. He shut the door and flipped the lock, squatting in front of the boy, meeting him at eye level. Eren looked away, not wanting to face Levi right now. All he wanted to do was run and hide. He wanted to be in his room and he wanted the feeling of cold steel against skin. He wanted it desperately. But his father was on a rampage, tirelessly beating on Eren, when he fled to his room, his father kicked the door in, only able to escape after his father tired himself out. His jaw throbbed, his shoulders ached, fresh bruises no doubt were blooming on his torso. Tears streaked his face dripping onto his already soaked shirt. Embarrassed that Levi, or anybody for that matter, was witnessing him like this he bit deeply into his lip, praying the tears would stop.

"Sorry.." Eren whispered through a tight throat.

"Don't be." Levi's heart broke. He barely knew this boy, but it broke for him. This kid had seen shit, and way too much of it. Levi wracked his brain as to how he could comfort the boy but he was coming up blank, the last time he touched Eren the boy looked like he had been electrocuted, and plus, Levi was pretty much a stranger to this boy.

Levi was desperate to help in some way but didn't want to push any boundaries, so he was just there for Eren. He sat down on the cafes bathroom floor and leaned his back against the door. He shimmied over so his shoulder met Erens. He made no attempt at comforting words, no soothing touches, he was just there letting Eren have a moment but making sure he didn't have to do it alone. Eventually Erens erratic breathing slowed and his weight slumped against Levi, after what felt like hours Levi stirred, lifting himself off the floor, extending a hand to Eren offering him help up.

The pair left the bathroom in silence, Eren waited for Levi to gather his things and followed him out to his car.

Once they were settled Levi finally spoke. "Do you want to go home?"

Eren shook his head, still not able to trust his voice not to break.

"Okay." Levi replied simply and started the engine, pulling out of the parking lot. He headed towards his own apartment figuring he could at least let the kid get into some dry clothes. When they arrived Eren looked rather confused.

"My place. Come on." Levi said stepping out of the car.

Levi led him to the bank of steel elevators and they stepped on. The ride up to Levis apartment was silent, just as the car ride had been. Once inside Levi took Eren straight to the bathroom, stopping to grab a towel. He turned the hot water on, steam fogging up the mirrors.

"I'll get you some clothes." Levi said, not waiting for a response from Eren. He returned with his biggest pair of jeans and knit sweater, setting them next to the sink. "I'll be in the kitchen when you're done. You can just leave your wet clothes in the hamper." Levi pointed to the laundry hamper next to the door.

"Thanks." Eren said as Levi shut the door. Levi hoped a shower would help to calm the boy. That and a hot meal. He set to work in the kitchen gathering pots and pans and ingredients to make something his mother used to make for him when he had a bad day: spaghetti. He didn't have everything to make it from scratch so store bought would have to do. He emptied a can of tomato paste into a pot and set it to boil, throwing in diced tomatoes, mushrooms, red peppers and red onions along with his favourite seasonings.

He was just draining the water from the noodles as Eren emerged from the hallway and crossed the open sitting room into the kitchen, leaning against the counter watching him move about. "Hungry?" Levi said glancing over to see a much more refreshed and relaxed Eren.

Levi wanted to ask Eren about whatever it was that upset him so much, but he didn't push it, he figured Eren had had enough for today and just needed time and space away from whatever it was. He got that.

"Plates are in there" he said nodding to the cupboard behind Eren. Eren, happy to help grabbed two plates and set them on the marble counter top for Levi to serve the food. It looked incredible and tasted even better.

They settled in on the bar stools at the far end of the kitchen island giving Eren a view of the apartment. He looked around the spacious apartment finally having a moment to take everything in. It was open and airy and screamed 'minimalist'. The cold hospital white walls were clean and unbroken by any paintings or pictures, actually, Eren couldn't see one photo or picture frame in sight. The floors were a rich dark hardwood that matched the cabinets in the kitchen, the counters topped with heavy marble, the appliances matched perfectly in stainless steel. The back of the plush leather couch separated the kitchen and sitting room. The couch faced a large flat screen t.v. that was mounted on the wall, a glass coffee table with a black steel frame sat between the two. To the right was the hallway door where Eren had come from the bathroom, the linen closet located directly across, and another door, he assumed was Levi's bedroom was at the end. Behind him was floor to ceiling windows that had an entire view of the city. He hadn't been here that long and it already felt more like hom than his own did. He dreaded going back there but he knew he would have to face his father eventually. His phone had been blowing up with missed calls and texts from his dad. At first they were filled with anfer finding Eren hadn't come home, followed by empty promises to change. Eren knew better though. 

He noticed Levi reaching for their plates "Let me do them" Eren said, picking them up before Levi could and took them over to the sink. Eren wanting to do something for the older male, even if it were small, so he wouldn't be such a burden to Levi. He had already wasted the better part of the afternoon and evening with him and let him intrude on his apartment, Levi was probably busy and just trying to be nice since he looked so pathetic, Eren thought. 

But Levi had no such thought. He appreciated the gesture Eren made and followed him to the sink. Eren handed Levi the cleaned dishes for him to dry and put away. Levi enjoyed the comfortable silence between them, most people would find it necessary to fill the silence with idle chatter, but neither of them felt words necessary. It was odd though for Levi to have another person in his apartment and still feel at ease. 

The pair flopped down onto the couch, Levi handed the remote to Eren allowing him to pull Netflix up and they both agreed on the beginning of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Halfway in Levi raised, leaving Eren droopy eyed on the couch. He went and collected Erens soaked clothes and tossed them in the washing machine and went to look for his spare set of sheets intending to make up the couch for Eren to sleep on. When he returned to the living room he found Eren already out cold.

Levi didn't want to wake him, the kid had obviously had one hell of day and needed the rest. He pulled the heavy throw blanket off the back of the couch and laid it over Erens still form, leaving the boy to sleep. After a much needed shower Levi cleaned the bathroom and deposited his own clothes into the wash, transferring Erens into the dryer. He climbed into bed to make some sort of attempt at sleep. 

He laid there and thought of Eren, which seemed to be a running theme since they met. There was something about Eren that drew him in. Levi knew he was absolutely out of his mind for bringing the boy home with him. He would have never in a million years done this for anyone before Eren, but for some reason the kid already had Levi wrapped around his finger. If Eren said jump Levi would probably ask 'how high', which was a completely ludicrous thought for Levi. He had always lived life on his own terms, coming and going as he pleased and always kept himself from needing or wanting anything from anyone. It was a lonely life and hard to survive sometimes, after his mother died it was just him against the world and he accepted that.

But nonetheless Levi found himself wanting things from Eren, things he most definitely shouldn't want. He wanted Eren laying beside him. He wanted to feel his body heat and run his hands over his soft smooth skin. He wanted to mark that skin up and lay claim to it, ravage his body making him squirm and scream with pleasure. WOW. Okay. Levi needed to distract himself. 

He got out of bed and padded into the kitchen through darkness retracing steps he'd taken thousands of times,and filled a glass of water from the tap. Turing to head back to his room he came face to face - well more face to chest - with a body cloaked in darkness.

"JESUS FUCK" Levi practically yelled, not used to having another person in his apartment.

Eren stifled a laugh "S-sorry"

"Make some noise will you? 'Sorry' won't help me when I drop dead from a heart attack, I'm old y'know." Levi said flipping on the living room lights. He set his glass down on the coffee table, sinking deeply into the couch with his heart still pounding against his chest from shock, Eren following suit sitting unreasonably close to Levi. 

"Not  _that_ old" Levi could practically hear the italics in Eren's statement.

"Okay, not  _that_ old, but definitely a lot older than you." 

"I'm nineteen." 

"Thirty four" Levi gaped at the age difference. It was huge. Colossal. Levi fucked up falling for a boy that was practically a kid. A kid with beautiful eyes, and soft skin and such kissable lips. Levi could just lean over and their lips would meet, he could run his tongue over them, sink his teeth into them.

"What?" Oops. Levi didn't realize he was staring.

"N-NOthiNg" Levi stuttered. What the hell was this kid doing to him? Why was he getting nervous? Oh yeah. He had a dumb high school crush on a kid half his age that was sitting right next to him with his dumb leg touching his with his dumb teal eyes and his dumb beautiful face. How dumb. 

"No! Why were you staring?!" Eren sounded concerned and even a little embarrassed figuring Levi was just staring at the ugly bruises that had formed on his skin. 

"You're just...uhh..kinda of beautiful or whatever." How articulate. Well, Levi never claimed to be any Shakespeare.

There it was. That heart stopping grin that had Levi's heart skipping a beat. It spread across Eren's face, his eyes lighting up. Then as soon as it came, it faded. "Nahh. I could never be beautiful." Erens voice was distant, his long choppy bangs fell in front of his eyes.

Levi reached out his movements slow an deliberate, making sure he didn't startle Eren as he gently brushed the hair off Eren's face, his fingers slipping through the coffee coloured silk. "Believe me Eren, you can and you _are_." 

Eren's eyes brimmed with tears, one slipped out of the corner, Levi brushing it away with his knuckles before it could fall. Eren leaned into the touch desperate for more of the soft, comforting touches he rarely, if ever got to feel. Levi reached around and guided Erens shoulders closer until Eren was leaning into Levi's chest, the raven circling his arms around the boy rubbing gentle rhythmic circles on Eren's back trying to sooth him. Eren breathed Levi's scent in deeply relaxing into his touch. Mentally and physically exhausted from the days events he was soon drifting off in Levi's arms. 

Levi hadn't meant to upset Eren with his compliment, the poor kid had looked at him with awe and then sadness and disbelief. How could he possibly not believe he was beautiful even when he was out right told, Levi wondered what made the boy think so little of himself and who had been the cause. Levi tried his best to not jostle Eren as he slipped out from under him but to no avail. Eren stirred and opened his eyes peering up at Levi, his hand reaching out and grasping Levi's, silently begging him to stay. 

Levi was torn. He knew he shouldn't start anything with Eren. He knew he shouldn't even have him in his apartment, there was no possible way this could end well for him, but Levi ignored his better judgment and brought the kid home anyway. And then they cuddled. And now Levi was pulling Eren off the couch and leading him towards his bed. He threw back the covers and nudged Eren, Levi climbing in after him and pulling the heavy duvet over them. They didn't say anything, they didn't touch. They just laid there facing each other taking comfort in having another person be close. They soon drifted off and sleep took them. 


	7. Outlook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger warning***

Eren

The scent of fresh coffee wafted through the apartment waking Eren with it's rich warmth. He sat up disoriented for a moment before the memories of yesterday flooded him. Embarrassment crept over his cheeks at the thought of Levi seeing him act so pathetically. No one had seen him like that before. No one except his father anyway, and he had usually been the one to put him in that situation. It was humiliating having someone, anyone, see him like that. That's why he chose to hide away from the world. Shut everyone out. If he did that then no one could ever hurt him. If he kept everyone at arms length he wouldn't have to experience the pain of their abandonment when they inevitably left him because they were fed up with dealing with his emotional crap. But no one ever made an attempt at breaking down the walls he had built up so highly around him. Although Eren worked hard at hiding himself away, he always secretly hoped someone would notice that he wasn't okay. Prayed that someone would walk into his life and not only be capable of, but wanted to save him. Because that's what he needed. To be saved; from his father and from the world but even more so from himself. He was killing himself slowly, and he knew it; he wanted it. He wanted to go home and end it last night, but Levi changed that.

The man literally fell into Eren's life and it had been changed ever since. Levi seemed genuine and appeared to truly care and want to help Eren, and it was the first time since his mother died that anyone had wanted to help him selflessly.

Thinking about his mother made his skin itch; he wanted to leave this world for a moment and he craved the feeling of a blade biting into his skin, the only thing that could take him away even just for a while. He wanted to get home and barricade himself in his room for days and just ruin every inch of skin he had. The thought urged him out of bed, now impatient to get to his home even if he had to face his father.

Eren was grateful to find his clean clothes folded on the end of the bed, he changed quickly and tossed Levi's clothes in the hamper in the bathroom and made his way out to face Levi. Theman sat in the kitchen fiddling with his phone, the warm light of mid-morning sun shone through the window and lit up the apartment beautifully. A large mug sat in front of him, he looked up from the screen when he heard Eren approach, icy blue eyes looked up from under his feathery black undercut. The man was breathtaking. Eren didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay here and stare at Levi for hours. He wanted to wake up every morning to the bitter smell of coffee invading the apartment and he wanted to lean against the kitchen counter and watch as Levi sipped his morning coffee.

"Morning." the older man greeted him.

"Morning." Eren said immediately heading to the front door to put on his shoes knowing that if he didn't leave now, he probably never would. "Thanks for everything Levi."

"What are you doing?" Levi asked looking up from his phone.

"I shouldn't have stayed, I don't want to bother you anymore." Eren said tying his converse up.

"You aren't bothering me Eren. I'll drive you home if you really want to go that badly." Levi's voice fell. He popped off his bar stool and grabbed his keys off the counter.

Eren was surprised at the disappointment he saw on Levi's features. "You don't have to, really. I can walk." Eren protested.

"Don't be ridiculous, it'll take you hours and it's colder than a snowman's asshole out there." Levi said in all seriousness.

Eren burst out laughing unable to keep his composure at Levi's odd and unexpected choice of words. He actually couldn't even remember the last time he laughed like that, finally gaining control of himself he followed Levi onto the elevator. "Sorry about ruining your day yesterday...you were probably busy." Eren apologized.

"You didn't." Levi said sincerely placing a hand on Erens back and guiding him off the elevator and through the underground parking to his Audi.

It burned where Levi had touched Eren. Not in a bad way but in an 'I want more of that' way. Eren's stomach fluttered and his cheeks burned. He couldn't figure out what he was feeling, anything but the overwhelming emptiness was foreign to him.

Completely flustered by the odd feeling he tried to make small talk to distract himself "Don't you work today?"

"Took the day off." Levi pretty much ran the company now as editor-in-cheif, under Erwin who actually owned the company, and could pretty much work whenever and wherever he wanted.

"Oh. What do you do?" Eren was curious about what kinda of job someone could have that they could just decide not to go.

"I'm a book editor. So when someone wants their book published by our company I read it and see if it will make the company money and decide whether or not to approve it to be published." Levi explained.

"Whoaaah. That's so cool. So you just get to read books all day?!" Eren was amazed. And jealous. He worked his ass off just to scrape by and some people got to sit around in cushy jobs like that.

"Pretty much." Levi grinned inwardly. He was lucky to be where he was today, but he also worked his ass off to get there. If it hadn't been for Erwin he would have been a street rat his entire life or more likely dead; the path he was going down after his mom died wasn't a pretty one. If Erwin hadn't offered him - or more accurately forced him into - the assistants job when he was eighteen he probably would have gotten into all sorts of trouble. The same kind of trouble Eren was involved in. It didn't quite make sense to Levi why Eren was doing what he was and where the hell all the money was going. After his interview with Eren he knew vaguely how much he was pocketing after each fight and the kid was in beat up old converse a cheap long sleeve and old jeans that were ripped to shit. With the money he was making he should at be able to buy himself some clothes or at least a winter coat.

Eren brought Levi out of his thoughts "I don't want to go."

"Hmm?" Levi was confused as to what Eren meant.

"This morning. You thought I wanted to leave but I didn't. I liked hanging out - or whatever it was. I just have to...I have stuff." Eren trailed off not sure where he was going with that.

"Oh. Well I liked it too." Eren was practically doing back flips at Levi's remark."I meant what I said last time y'know. You can call or text me if you need anything."

"Thanks" Eren smiled. He couldn't believe the kindness that Levi had and was extending to him.

They rode in comfortable silence the rest of the way, neither of them feeling like they had to fill the silence. Nothing was said when they pulled up to the curb outside Eren's home, Eren not wanting to leave the safe haven of Levi's car, the older males presence soothing the rough waves of anxiety and dark thoughts that were constantly bombarding Eren threatening to consume him.

Levi waited for Eren until he was ready to say something but the boy never got the chance, there was a heavy knock on the passenger window. Eren jumped at the noise.

"You better go." Levi said softly looking around at the obviously disgruntled and angry man that he assumed was Eren's father.

Just as Eren was about to step out of the car Levi caught him "Hey." Eren looked back at him. "Would you want to get a coffee or something?"

He flashed a smile "I'd love to"

"Okay then" He smiled back. It was barely noticeable, the corners of his mouth turning up ever so slightly, but the sight made Eren's heart flutter. For the most part Eren had only seen him scowl or look like he was watching paint dry. But this. This was artwork, and he never wanted to look away. It turned his insides to mush.

"Text me so I have your number"

"Sure." Eren didn't want to leave. "See you soon, Levi" Eren left the car on cloud nine. He would get to see Levi again. _Levi_ , wanted to see _him_  again.

But the high was short lived. Eren stepped out of the car and into his fathers grasp, a heavy hand landing on the back of his neck pushing him towards the house. Silence. That wasn't good. As soon as they reached the threshold Eren was being shoved into the house. 

"What. THE FUCK." Grisha screamed "Where were you last night you good for nothing piece of shit!" 

"I-I'm sorry I was out with a friend, I l-lost track of time, I'm s-sorry" Eren stumbled over his words trying to get them out fast enough, but it was pointless, and he knew that. His father wasn't listening, he didn't care. 

Grish saw red. "You SELFISH BRAT" a hard shove pushed Eren to the floor. He was used to being treated like this, inside he was dying, wanting to fight back but not able to bring himself to hurt his father, so he sat there and took the abuse for the umpteenth time. When his father grew bored or tired and left him bleeding and bruised Eren hauled himself off the floor and up the stairs.  

He stripped his clothes and stepped into a hot shower in attempt to ease his aching muscles. He gathered his clothes off the floor and headed to his room to sit on his bed, his shirt from yesterday sitting in his hands. He brought it to his nose and breathed deeply, the of scent of Levi's apartment clinging to the fabric. Yesterday had been one of the best day's Eren had had in a long time. He had felt safe and welcome at Levi's. And it wasn't so much just being away from his house, it was Levi. He cared. Eren dared to think Levi might actually even like Eren. He thought about how the raven had looked at him; It wasn't with boredom or anger or pity or disgust. It was concern and care, his eyes soft and gentle, his touch tender and soothing. Eren could still feel Levi's hand rubbing circles into his back. He wanted to be with Levi, sitting in his car with him, sitting on his couch with him, lying in his bed. He wanted to get plates out of the cupboard and wash dishes together. He wanted to hold his hand and and hold him close and wanted to _be_ held. 

But instead he was here, and thinking about Levi only made the fact that he was sitting alone on his worn out mattress more apparent. And so he sought comfort the way he always had. He held the steel blade between his fingers delicately, dragging it across his right forearm. It was a slow and calculated cut, his mind focusing on how deep the blade bit into his skin. At times his self abuse was hurried, his mind clouded with desperation and others Eren found himself completely focused, his mind painfully clear. The warm crimson liquid was soon running down his arm and dripping onto his sheets. Eren sat and watched as more surfaced, a sigh of relief leaving him a rush. Nothing, Eren felt nothing. He didn't feel the constant panic he always felt bubbling inside, he didn't feel the absolute humiliation of living in his tortured body, and he didn't feel the crushing darkness that draped itself over his shoulders and smothered his life. For a little while he didn't have to feel anything and it was bliss.

But Eren knew everything would come crashing down again like it always did and it was always worse than the last. Eren's life was a vicious cesspool of darkness and despair and the waning light of hope was dim. It seemed as if there was no way out of this, as if it would never get better. When Eren thought about the future he came up blank. He saw absolutely nothing and to a point Eren didn't want a future. He had grown so accustomed to the life he endured that he could never imagined  living any differently. He thought time and time again about ending his life to escape the never ending despondency. But every time he sat with the blade pressed into his wrist he could never bring himself to make the final cut. He thought about Mikasa and how heart broken she would be if she got that call, and then of course that would be leaving her with their father and that terrified Eren more than anything. He lived to protect those he loved and as hard as he fought to keep his mother alive, he had failed her, and he could not allow any more of his family to suffer.

He lifted the blade he held off his skin and cleaned it off, mopping the blood up with his soiled t-shirt. He was already exhausted and the day had just started, all he wanted to do was lie back and rest but that wasn't an option for him. If he did that then he'd have to think, and that was the last thing he wanted to do right now, so he heaved himself up and gathered his laundry to take downstairs, stopping to collect his fathers as well. He tossed the first load in and headed upstairs to clean up his fathers mess from the night before. His dad sat in his chair watching television, ignoring Eren as he gathered the empty bottles that littered the floor. He deposited them into the recycling bin and began scrubbing the kitchen clean, when he was finished with that he moved onto the bathroom. By the end of the day the house was spotless, the beds were made and the laundry folded. He glanced at his watch: 8:43. He finished early thankfully, he'd be able to make it to Titan with time to spare. He raced upstairs to grab his jacket and keys and headed out. 

He arrived at the bar even earlier than expected having run for most of the way here, the evenings were getting particularly bitter and there was nothing Eren hated more than winter. Eren nodded at the bouncers at the door being ushered in without question, making his way over to the bar. He sat and waited and chatted with a few people who were here to watch the fight until Annie took up the spot next to him, she didn't have to flag the server down as her drink was already being served. 

"Hey Annie" Eren greeted her as cheerfully as he could though he didn't expect much of a response. Annie wasn't one for small talk, and they weren't anything that even resembled friends. Annie stuck to her small circle, anyone else she spoke to was just a business deal to her. She was cold and unforgiving in nature, if you crossed her there was no going back. 

"You better win tonight. There's a lot riding on it." The blonde took a swig of her drink. 

"Don't I always?" Eren joked, watching Annie finish off her drink. 

Her icy blue eyes met Erens for a moment before turning away "Get your ass downstairs, it's starting soon." 

What Annie says, goes. Eren hopped off the bar seat and headed down the familiar steps and into the crowd that was already cheering. His opponent met him at the edge of the circle. He looked fairly average in both height and weight, not overly muscled but had obvious strength. It didn't faze Eren though. He knew he would win as he always did. He had to. Losing was not an option. He blocked the crowd out and soon it was just him and his opponent. The one thing standing in the way of Eren securing any sort of future for himself and his sister, no matter how foreign the thought was. And if he lived then he won, if he died then he lost, But he couldn't win if he didn't fight. And so that's what he did with all the strength he could muster. Of course he would get knocked around but he would always come out on top, and this time was no exception, by the end of the night he was bruised and bloody but he stood above his opponent as the crowd cheered.

He started to make his way through the mass of bodies to meet Annie upstairs but a hand grabbed at his elbow. A bouncing head of brown hair and giant glasses was hanging on his arm. "Eren!!"

He recognized Hanji from his last fight. "Hey Hanji" Eren smiled "What are you doing here?"

"Petra and I came to watch the fight of course silly!" She pointed over to a short blonde woman that looked more like a girl really. She was standing and obviously flirting with a group of guys Eren didn't recognize "Let me buy you a drink!" She didn't wait for Eren to answer as she hauled him up the stairs and over to the bar, flagging the server over.

"Petra wanted to thank you personally for your interview but she's a little...preoccupied right now."

"Oh, that's okay." Eren replied "I didn't mind at all really."

Hanji grinned at him "I hope Levi didn't scare you too much, he can be a bit...course."

"Levi was great!" Eren hadn't meant to sound _that_  eager.

Hanji burst out laughing "I don't think I've ever heard anyone describe Levi as 'great'!"

"No really! He drove me home and everything." Eren was rather shocked, Levi had been nothing but gracious and friendly in a very reserved kind of way but everything about Levi screamed refined. 

"WHAT?! Levi doesn't even let ME in his car." She paused "Bastard" Hanji chuckled to herself. "How'd you rope him into that?"

"He offered" Eren shrugged.

Hanji gaped at him, her jaw going slack. Just as Eren was about to defend Levi he felt a bony hand settle on his shoulder, Annie stood behind him.

"Is this your girlfriend Eren?!" Hanji bounced off her seat to shake Annie's hand.

"NO!" Eren's horror and Annie's disgust mixing together in unison.

Hanji, again, broke out into laughter. Annie interrupted her "If you'll excuse us, we have business to discuss."

"Sure, sure! See you around Eren!" Hanji waved from her place at the bar. 

Once away from the crowd Annie turned to face Eren handing him his cut of the winnings. "Your next one will be December 25th"

"What? I can't wait that long Annie, isn't there someone I can fight sooner than that?" Eren pleaded.

"No. There's cops sniffing around and we need to lie low for a while, and you need to bulk up. You almost lost it tonight and that will not be tolerated. If you're not making me money then you're out." Annie stated coldly.

There was no arguing with her, and Eren didn't want to push her buttons right now, so he pocketed his winnings and started on his way home. Once he was settled under the covers in his room he pulled out his phone and added Levi's number to his contacts. He wanted to text him but it was already past two in the morning and he didn't want to wake Levi if his phone went off, but if he waited he would lose the courage to do so. Eren's conversation with Hanji had him optimistically hopeful after having found out Levi had apparently made a huge exception for him. He hoped a late night - or early morning - text wouldn't colour Levi's opinion of him. 

E: Hey Levi, it's Eren. Just texting so you have my number :)

He locked the screen and set it on his nightstand, seconds after turning on his side, the loud hum of his phone vibrating made him jump. Eren's heart leaped to his throat, that couldn't possibly be Levi replying already, it must be his imagination. But sure enough a reply from Levi lit up his phone screen.

L: Thank you Eren. What are you doing awake? Go to sleep. 

E: Sorry if I woke you! 

L: You didn't. Now GO TO SLEEP. 

E: _You're_ still up though?? 

L: I'm old, I can stay up however late I want. 

E: I'm an adult.. 

L: Barely. It's Sunday night, don't you have school or something tomorrow? 

E: Nah. My day is wide open. 

L: Hmm. 

L: Coffee tomorrow? 

E: Don't you have to work? 

L: Is that a no? 

E: No! I want coffee lol 

L: 'lol'? 

E: ...laugh out loud? 

L: Kids these days and their slang. Ridiculous. 

E: OMGG I'M NOT A KID

L: No need to shout, I'm old but I'm not deaf...Jesus. 

E: You're not old.. 

L: Fine. I'm not old. 

L: Happy? 

E: :))) 

L: 2:00 pm tomorrow? 

E: Sure! 

Just as Eren was about to say he would meet him somewhere Levi responded.

L: I'll pick you up, and no, it's not an inconvenience. 

L: NOW SLEEP. 

E:  _Fine.._

L: See you tomorrow. Goodnight, Eren. 

Eren was practically giddy, he couldn't stop rereading their conversation. Eren didn't have to think twice about how he talked to Levi, it came naturally as if they had known each other forever, it was easy and effortless. Eren's heart beat heavily against his chest as he went to sleep thinking of Levi and hopeful of what tomorrow might bring. 


	8. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not having an update for a while, life got kinda crazy.. Thank you to those that comment! It's SUPER encouraging and I'm glad some of you are really enjoying it <3 Sorry I don't always reply I'm just hella shy OTL

Levi

Levi stared into the mirror poking at the permanent bags under his eyes. They had been there since his mother passed - that was when he had stopped sleeping soundly. He would sleep lightly at best but more often than not had nightmares about his mothers death and would wake up abruptly kicking and screaming. The nightmares had died down since he had grown up a bit and still had them on occasion, but suffered at the expense of his insomnia.

He had never been one to care for vanity but today, staring back himself, he wished he could have looked better. He sighed giving up on the idea that anything could be done about his appearance and grabbed his keys. He drove the now familiar route to Eren's and parked outside, pulling his phone out to let Eren know he was here. Just after sending the text Eren came walking out the front door and trekked across the lawn to Levi's car.

"Tch." Levi's disapproval leaked out of his mouth.

"What?" Eren queried as he settled into the passenger seat.

"Your coat. You're going to get sick Eren." Levi replied.

Eren just shrugged "I don't get sick"

Levi rolled his eyes at the ridiculous remark but didn't drag the topic out. He pulled away from the curb and started the drive back into the city.

"Aren't we going for coffee?" Eren asked.

"We are." Levi said as they passed the Strabucks they had met at previously.

"Where are we going?" Eren was full of questions.

"You'll see." Levi had planned their "date" if you could even call it that before he had even asked Eren to come along. Finally reaching their destination Levi hopped out of the car as soon as he cut the engine and walked briskly around to the other side, opening the door for Eren. Eren sat there dazed until a smile broke Eren's lips apart showing off his perfect teeth, Levi's heart skipped a beat, he wondered if it would do that every time Eren smiled.

Levi led them inside the quaint little cafe and stepped into line. It was small and cozy and always busy, but there was a reason for that. Levi rarely went anywhere else to feed his caffeine addiction and frequented the cafe more than he cared to admit. So after they ordered and Eren pulled his wallet out, Levi just shook his head and handed over his credit card.

"Levi, no let me-" Eren started to refuse but was cut off by a death stare that told him to shut up or continue at his own risk, so he cleared his throat "Ahem..thank you Levi." he smiled.

Levi nodded and collected their drinks. The tight quarters were full of people sitting at the few tables around the shop so the pair braved the crisp weather outside. Levi led Eren across the street to a small parkette with some trails and benches scattered around the well groomed grounds. As they walked they fell into a comfortable silence and let a trail lead them through a break in the trees. As they walked their bodies drifted their chilled hands brushing together ever so slightly. Levi was completely at ease in Eren's presence but his heart raced uncontrollably. He couldn't help but feel soothed and exhilarated at the same time. He wanted to reach out and grab Eren's hand that was brushing his every time the boys arm swang forwards and back but instead glued his hand to his side, suddenly unsure of himself.

Eren noticed but didn't move away leaving only inches between them. The pair emerged from the wooded path and found a bench to settle on facing the road, they sipped at their drinks as they watched the traffic pass them by.

"Do you come here a lot?" Eren asked.

"Sometimes. More in the summer. I'll bring books and just read for hours." Levi explained.

"It's nice, I like it here. I wish I had something like this where I lived." Eren thought out loud.

"I'll bring you here more often." Levi offered.

Eren smiled, softly and sincerely. Levi assumed he might be developing a heart condition. A stiff breeze picked up and without the trees sheltering them it sent chills down their necks, a shiver ran up Eren's spine.

"Fuck." Levi cursed at the frigid wind. He hated the cold, he hated rain, he hated snow, he hated ice, he just really hated winter.

"You don't like the cold?" Eren chuckled.

"Winter can go fuck itself with a cactus" Levi said sharply.

Levi rarely got such an endearing response to his crass choice of words. Eren giggled covering his face with his hands, instinctively Levi reached out and grabbed Erens hand pulling it away from the boy's face, his giggles stopped but the smile remained on his face, laughter still touching his eyes. It was beautiful. EREN was beautiful. Levi still held Eren's hands in his, the boy maneuvering his own to lace their fingers together squeezing gently. Levi's heart jumped into his throat and it felt like he was on cloud nine. It was such a small and innocent gesture but Levi had flutters of butterflies hitting his insides.

Another gust of wind blew through making both of them shiver and their teeth chatter.

"OKAY. Fuck this, it is way too cold to be sitting out here." Levi stood dragging Eren up with him by their entwined fingers. He was reluctant to let go of Eren's hand as he stepped into the passenger seat, Levi's hand feeling much too empty as he walked around to start the engine. Eren's teeth still chattered deafening in the silence of the car interior, Levi cranked the heat up until the chattering died down. "Better?" Levi asked.

Eren nodded "Much."

"Good. Do you need to get home yet or..." Levi trailed off letting Eren finish.

"No, I've got time" Eren smiled.

Levi nodded "Hang out at my place?" He offered.

"Sure!"Eren said enthusiastically.

As Levi drove his arm rested on the console next to Eren's their hands brushing together. Levi looked over at Eren who was looking out the window, his face relaxed. It was nice to see Eren at peace, the furrow that usually matched his own was gone for the moment. Levi wanted desperately to stretch his fingers over and gather Eren's hand in his own once more, and so he did. Levi had never been one to hold back, he couldn't understand why Eren of all people made him so nervous. Eren looked over at Levi their eyes meeting, Eren said nothing just smiled and gave Levi's hand a squeeze to reassure. Levi felt warm and comfortable, the short drive was over and Levi was soon leading Eren into his apartment for the second time.

"Pick something to watch" Levi nudged Eren toward the couch, staying behind in the kitchen to fill some glasses from the tap. When he set the glasses on the coffee table the beginning of the Avengers was playing. Levi soon lost interest in the movie and grabbed one of his manuscripts sitting in front of him picking up where he left off. He didn't realize Eren was watching him until the screen suddenly went black causing him to look up. When he did he found Eren tucked into the corner of the couch, his knees pulled up and watching Levi leisurely. "What?"

Eren smiled "Nothing. What are you reading?"

"Manuscript" Levi said.

"Yeah, but what's it about?" Eren seemed genuinely interested so Levi explained that it was about this couple that moved out to Seattle for his job and while staying with his childhood friend she started falling for him. After a huge fight with her boyfriend she ended up having sex with the guy. He didn't add his opinion that he thought the book was just erotica with a tired plot.

"Read it to me?" Eren requested.

"No." Levi said flatly.

Eren's lower lip jutted out into a gaudy pout, his big teal eyes looked as if he were a sad puppy that lost it's owner.

"Tch." Levi rolled his eyes exaggeratedly "Fine." He flipped back to the beginning of the story and began to read. As he read Eren moved closer to him so he was reading over his shoulder, his warm breath catching Levi's exposed neck, goosebumps rising to the surface. After several hours and many chapters later the sun was just peaking over the horizon the last few rays of sunshine beaming through the wall of glass lighting up the apartment. Levi looked over at Eren who had his head rested against the back of the couch, eyes closed. He thought the boy was sleeping until his long eyelashes fluttered open "Is that it?"

Levi shook his head "No." He cleared his throat, it was hoarse and dry from all the talking, he wasn't used to using his voice quite this much. "I need a break." he said grabbing for the glass of water in front of him.

"Yeah, of course." Eren smiled at him. "I like the story. Will you publish this one?"

"Probably" Levi replied "It's a tired plot but this kind of thing sells really well."

"Love stories?" Eren asked.

"Sex." He smirked.

As soon as Levi said it Eren's cheeks flushed with colour "Oh."

Levi chuckled at the sight of Eren getting flustered, though to be honest Levi was feeling a touch embarrassed about the topic. He wasn't uncomfortable talking about the subject but talking about it with Eren was different. Levi diverted the conversation "Hungry?"

Eren leaned back, letting the breath he was holding out loudly. "Yeah."

Levi grabbed his phone and ordered pizza, both of them downing several slices as soon as it arrived. Over the course of the meal they chatted more about Levi's job, his very few hobbies that included drinking coffee, reading, and writing, as well as his work and colleagues. The subject soon came around to family and Eren told Levi about his best friend Armin and his sister Mikasa.

"You must miss her." Levi stated, the love for his sister was evident as Eren spoke about her.

"I do. Sometimes I wish I could go visit her." Eren said sadly.

"Does she not come home often?"

"Not really, the travel expenses are to much and she's busy maintaining her grades." Eren explained "We skype on holidays and talk on the phone every couple months, but the phone bill gets pretty high if we do that too often." Levi listened to the way Eren spoke as if he were the one paying all the expenses. A kid that was almost twenty years old shouldn't have to worry about that.

"Don't your parents miss her?" Levi pushed, but regretted as Eren's face fell.

"Not really. My dad didn't want her around after-" Eren's voice got caught in his throat. Levi scooted over and put a hand on Eren's back in attempt to comfort him.

"Sorry" Eren sniffled.

"For what Eren?" Levi was rather confused as to why he was apologizing.

"I don't really talk about this and it's probably weird for you or whatever." Eren said looking away.

"Eren, you don't have to keep apologizing. There's nothing to be sorry for." Levi reassured him "And we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Eren just nodded and gave Levi a weak smile. "I should probably get home."

Levi didn't want to take Eren home, he didn't want to let the boy out of his sight, but alas he had to return the boy home eventually. They pulled up to the curb in front of Eren's house, both of them reluctant to part.

"Text me if you feel like hanging out, I'll come pick you up" Levi said.

"Okay. Thanks Levi, see you soon" Eren said closing the car door.

It soon became routine for the pair. Levi would pick Eren up, they'd spend the afternoon and more often than not the better part of the evening at Levi's watching movies that got abandoned so Levi could read to Eren. On the days Eren and Levi couldn't see each other they gave each other play by plays of their day through texts and at the end of the day would sit on the phone until Eren fell asleep. They soon became relaxed in each others company both growing accustomed to having each other in their lives. Though it was always a surprise for Levi what a new day would bring for Eren. Sometimes Eren would be all smiles and laughs but a lot of the time the boy would would show up with fresh bruises and he sat quietly; his eyes brimmed with tears and his voice shook. On the days Eren sat holding back tears Levi would gather him up in blankets and make his favourite tea for the boy and just hold him. Eren would relax into Levi and they would just sit with each other, never doing more than that and not much was said, not because it was uncomfortable but because conversation just wasn't needed.

Levi wasn't dense, he knew something was going on but anytime he attempted to bring it up with Eren a fog would settle between them and Eren would become distant and elusive with his answers. With anyone else Levi wouldn't beat around the bush and just outright ask, but Eren seemed fragile, as if any accusation or the wrong question would send him spiraling out of control and into hysterics. Levi was always wary when he dropped Eren off at his house, the closer his home loomed the more distant Eren became.

One night Levi dropped Eren off as usual made his way back to his apartment. He expected to hear his phone go off with Erens texts but nothing came. It unsettled him as Eren had had a particularly rough day. He hadnt said a word all evening just stared at his lap and trembled until Levi scooted over and took him into his arms. Levi wanted to call Eren but thought he would give the boy some space of his own to figure things out. He remembered many years ago when he lost his mother he wanted desperately for someone to hold and comfort him but also needed his space to sort things out for himself.

He would see Eren tomorrow and prayed the boy would be in better spirits. Tomorrow came and by the afternoon Levi was sick with worry for the boy. He had sent him numerous texts throughout the day and all of them went unanswered. The pile of manuscripts stacked on his desk went untouched, Levis head filled with thoughts of Eren. He leaned over his desk and rested his forehead on his arms, it wasn't long before he was checking his phone for the hundredth time that day. He wondered if Eren was trying to distance himself from Levi. It was no surprise to Levi but he did`t feel as though that was the case. Levi was more often than not the one to initiate their visits but Eren usually jumped at the opportunity. On his good days the boy would gaze at him with his beautiful teal eyes and smile contently, Levi would always ask why he did that and Eren would shrug his shoulders and Levi would roll his eyes and it was like he was trying to tell Levi something without saying the words.

Levi sighed heavily, there was no way he was getting any work done today so he gathered his things and left his office. He went to the grocery store needing to restock his tea, and drove around the rest of the afternoon running errands trying to keep himself from going into panic mode. He landed in his apartment and sat on one of the bar stools. The space around him empty and quiet. He had grown so accustomed to having Eren here that he really felt his absence. He missed the boy. It surprised him how quickly he had grown attached and even scared him but the fact that he hadn't heard anything from Eren all day frightened him even more. Levi didn't sleep that night, too worried he may miss a notification from his phone.

Levi couldn't stand sitting and waiting around. He picked up his phone and dialed Eren, calling for the the umpteenth time.

"Hello" Eren's voice was faint.

"Eren." Levi's heart jumped into his throat, relief flooding him. "Jesus Christ you scared me. Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm fine Levi." Eren's voice wavered and cracked.

"You're not okay, Eren. Let me help you.  _Please._ " Levi begged, already grabbing his keys. 

"You don't have to Levi, I'm okay. Really. I can't leave right now anyways" Eren protested in whisper. 

"Then I'll come there, I'm on my way." Levi broke every traffic law in the book on his way to Eren's and made it there in ten minutes flat. When he arrived he called Eren for the second time that day. 

"Eren, I'm here." Levi said.

"Okay. Um, just wait a second." And then the line went dead. Several minutes later the front door creaked open revealing a very bruised and beaten Eren. 

Levi drew a breath in to ask what the fuck had happened but Erens hand clamped itself over his mouth sealing it closed, the boy shook his head pulling the older male into the house and closing the door gently to make as little noise as possible. Levi was sort of confused looking around the foyer, it was spotless and looked as though no one was home. Eren's hand slipped over his, tugging him up the stairs, Eren held a finger to his lips asking him to be quiet. Levi obliged as he was escorted to Eren's bedroom. Levi liked the idea of being in the boys bedroom but wished it had been under other circumstances. 

The room was a decent size and simple. The walls draped in a typical neutral cream, the window trimmed in white. A set of drawers was pushed to against the wall to their left and the single bed ran along the wall opposite of it. A small nightstand sat at he head of the bed. Levi walked over to the window peering out of it, his view of the neighboring yards obstructed by long sturdy branches a the tree growing outside his window. 

Levi turned to face Eren who had come to stand behind Levi, he reached up brushing his fingertips over Erens fresh bruises "You scared me, y'know" Eren frowned "Sorry, Levi. I just...had a lot going on" he croaked. Levi wanted to ask him what exactly was going on but Eren was obviously not up to it, he wondered if he'd ever get an explanation from Eren. Levi cupped the boys face in his palms, running his thumbs over Erens cheeks, brushing any stray tears away. "Shhh, it's okay Eren. We can talk about it later." Eren nodded and just leaned into Levi burying his face in Levi's shoulder "I missed you" the boy sighed heavily. "I missed you too, Eren" hearing that Eren missed him made Levi's chest flood with heat and his heart pound. He stood with Eren rubbing his back and holding him close. Levi wasn't sure how long they stood there holding each other tightly but he could feel Eren's body start to sway from fatigue. He guided them to the bed and was pulled down with him by Erens fists that had buried themselves in his shirt. It wasn't long before sleep took the boy and Levi felt his energy waning as he hadn't slept in over twenty four hours, knowing Eren was guarded safely in his arms Levi allowed himself to relax and let his eyes close. 

 


	9. Savior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***trigger warning*** 
> 
> Hopefully you guys enjoy this chapter! :3

_Eren_  

 

Erens eyes fluttered open, his body still wrapped tightly in Levis arms, his beautiful face just inches from his own. Levis face was much softer than he was used to, his expression relaxed and peaceful. He longed to reach out and stroke the ravens soft cheek and press his lips against Levis. He battled himself for several minutes but leaned in, just as their lips were about to meet, Eren heard the all too familiar thud of his fathers footsteps coming up the stairs. Fuck. His heart jumped into his throat and and he began untangling himself from Levi, shaking his small frame awake. Levi blinked startled by Eren who was pulling him up off the bed and towards the window. 

"What the-" Levi started to question but Eren clamped his hand over his mouth. 

"Shh. My dad is home, you have to go,  _now."_ Eren was terrified of what might happen if his dad walked in on Levi and him, he wasn't sure how he'd react with a stranger around, much less an older man in his room, but he assumed he wouldn't welcome Levi with open arms. 

Levi seemed to understand and didn't question him, just removed Eren's hand and wiped his mouth against his shoulder. Levi was small but definitely not scrawny, he was soon pulling himself up and through the window hauling himself down the branches of the tree gracefully. Levi looked up at him from the ground fear and concern mixed on his face. 

"I'll be  _fine_ " Eren whispered from the window "Just go" He said it but wasn't sure if he believed it. He had always been able to tolerate his fathers abuse, but it had been getting worse and worse lately and Eren wasn't sure if he could survive it longer. Looking down at Levi from his window reminded him of the books he read in high school and cheesy 80's movies. But their situation wasn't quite so romantic. He waved Levi off and turned to face his father.

"WHERE IS HE?!" Eren's father shouted grabbing at Eren's shirt

"Wha-what do you mean?" Eren acted as if he didn't know what he was talking about.

"That FAGGOT!" He screamed "His cars' been parked outside all fucking DAY!" 

"He's not-" Eren protested but the back of his fathers hand struck his face and cut him off.

His father threw him violently against the back of the door shattering the mirror that hung there. Eren landed in a pile of glass, a hot searing pain and warm liquid spread down his back, he scrambled to his feet reaching for the door handle. He needed to run, he needed to get to a room he could lock himself in.

"GET BACK HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT" His father followed him as he ran towards the bathroom. Eren ran desperately, trying to slam the door closed, but it was caught by his fathers hand. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Eren was trapped and there was nothing he could do anymore. He was shoved from behind, landing harshly against the edge of the bathtub, the wind knocked out of him. He could barely concentrate on anything, unable to catch his breath, his father striking him over and over. 

"You brat!" his father screamed "Weak! Weak! Weak!" 

Eren struggled under the weight of his father, unable to fight against the heavy hands that clamped around his throat. He was losing oxygen and quick, his throat closing, and his vision blurring, everything happening in slow motion. He thought about how your life was supposed to flash before him, but in hat moment he was only seeing one face. Levi. His heart hurt thinking about how he hadn't had the chance tell him he loved him, how he hadn't been able to hold his face in his hand and kiss him passionately. There were many things he had wanted to do with his life but that was his biggest regret. Darkness crept in and dulled the edges of his vision, he no longer struggled against his fathers assault, almost welcoming death. He thought how he'd like to have died at his own hand, but at least he wouldn't have to live through this anymore. He wouldn't have to carry the burden of his mothers death, and hide himself away from the world any longer. He was grateful he wouldn't have to struggle to survive. 

His lungs burned, screaming for oxygen that never came. He couldn't feel anything, he was numb, and then there was nothing. Darkness clouded his vision and then he was plunged into a black abyss. 

He heard shuffling and muffled shouts but he couldn't make anything out. He felt warm and the pain was gone, that's all that mattered. He thought more about Levi, he figured he should be thinking about someone like his mother but for some reason it was Levi that filled his head. His beautiful porcelain skin framed by ebony hair. Levi's icy blue eyes always hooded, covering whatever emotion he was feeling, but the furrow in his brow relaxed and his features softened and gentle when he gazed at Eren. And his voice, deep and bitter like dark chocolate. It was strange that he could hear that voice now, it was so comforting hearing Levi call his name. It was distant but getting louder, he could feel the heaviness of his chest and then his lungs inflated with air and the room was bright. Too bright. 

"EREN!!" Levi was shouting "EREN!" 

Eren tried to find his voice "Le-" it came out broken and didn't sound like his voice at all. His throat felt like he had swallowed a cheese grater, he coughed harshly the movement shooting pain down through his ribs making it hard to breath in at all.

"Shhh. Eren, I'm here." Eren felt Levi's hands cradling his face trying to focus him.

His vision wasn't quite perfect but he could make out Levi's face. "Where are you hurt, Eren?"

Eren wasn't quite sure how to answer that still coughing and wincing from the sharp pain in his side. He could't speak so he just shook his head.

"I'm going to pick you up Eren, we're leaving" Levi said gently but his voice was tight and Eren could hear the anger bubbling up from underneath.  

Eren felt Levi's arms slide under him and lift him from the ground the movement causing him to wince and cry, obviously upsetting Levi " _Fuck._ " Levi was walking him out of the bathroom but he protested as they passed his room, Eren struggled to get out of Levi's arms, even though that was the only place he wanted to be in that moment.

"SHh. Shh. It's okay, hold on." Levi soothed him and entered the boys room setting him down on the bed. Eren didn't pay much attention to what Levi was doing but saw him shoving things into his backpack. Eren turned his attention to the things he really needed, he lifted his pillow to snatch the picture of his mother he kept hidden there and the small box he had left on his nightstand burying them in the back pack Levi held open for him. The older man slung the pack over his shoulder and lifted Eren, careful not to jostle Eren's injuries.

It was all a blur after that as Eren slipped in and out of consciousness. He was so tired, all he wanted to do was sleep but Levi's voice kept rousing him.

"Eren, stay awake! Please! I'm going to get you help, just stay with me." Levi's voice was desperate and and coated with fear. Eren wondered what he meant about help. He didn't need anything else, he had Levi. And then he realized, Levi meant a doctor. He was taking Eren to the hospital.

"Please, no." Eren's voice was hoarse and rasped and his throat burned "Don't take me to the hospital"

"What the Hell, Eren?! You could have died. He need help." Levi raised his voice, panicked.

If a doctor knew about this then they'd arrest his father, and even though it was his father that did this, he still felt obligated to protect him. "Please.." Eren begged "Please don't take me there.." His chest was tight and he could feel the tears fall. He was surprised he only noticed them now.

Levi looked at him clearly torn. " _Eren.._ " 

"Levi... _please.._ "  Eren stammered through the tears. 

Levi turned back and stared through the windshield of his car. "Fuck." He hit the steering wheel before taking a left towards his apartment. Eren let the breath he was holding out in a rush, hanging onto his painful ribs, grimacing every time he breathed. 

Eren thought of anything but the pain to distract himself. He watched Levi as he drove, careful to avoid all the potholes in the asphalt. His delicate hands gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles jutted out stark white even against his already pale skin. Eren worried if he was making Levi uncomfortable, if he was putting too much of a burden on him. He hadn't meant for Levi to ever know, he assumed Levi had left after being practically shoved out a window.

"How'd you get back in the house?" Eren whispered, his throat still irritatingly sore.

"I climbed through your window." Levi replied "I was waiting outside and heard the glass break and him shouting...I couldn't stand the thought of him beating you, at least not with me around." 

"How...how did you know?" Eren didn't realize it was that obvious. He wondered how many other people knew.

Levi just looked at him sympathetically. Eren realized he had known all along. He always assumed he hid it well enough, sure he got weird stares from strangers but he was young, they probably just thought he was a trouble maker getting into fights, he thought Levi attributed his bruises to his job. "I suspected it for a while, but I wasn't sure..well..until today" 

"Why?" Eren asked him.

"To what part?" Levi seemed confused.

"Why did you come back? Why would you do that for me?" Eren was desperate for an answer.

Levi sat quietly, the silence in the parked car was deafening. Levi finally looked over "Because I love you, Eren."

Eren ignored the searing pain of his ribs and sobbed heavily, leaning over as far as he could so Levi could hold him and plant kisses on his forehead. It was the first time, in a long time, that Eren had heard those words and actually believed them. It filled his heart with such joy to hear them being said to him and to hear them from Levi meant the world to him. LEVI meant the world to him. Eren pulled away briefly so they were facing each other "I love you too."

Levi was stunned, he apparently wasn't expecting that answer, if any, from Eren. After it sunk in a smile tugged at the edges of Levi's mouth and his eyes lingered on Eren's lips. Eren leaned into Levi's hand that cradled his face turning in and planting a kiss into the palm of Levi's hand.

"You're so beautiful Eren" Levi whispered, his breath was warm and sweet against Erens face and it made butterflies assault his insides. Eren blushed furiously and wanted to hide his face but Levi's hands kept their faces just inches apart. Levi held no reservations and was crossing the distance, and finally, finally their lips met. Eren closed his eyes and sunk into the kiss, it was slow and soft and tender. Their lips melded together and moved in sync like they had been together forever, like they were made for each other. Eren felt the love in Levi's kiss, it was different than any kiss Eren had had before, something clicked in him and he found something he had been missing for some time now. Levi was everything to Eren, Levi was HOME, and Eren never wanted to leave. 

Unfortunately oxygen was a requirement for living and they had to break apart, Eren's blush now mirrored by Levi a soft rosie veil settled over Levi's pale cheeks. The raven rested their foreheads together and sighed in contentment. Eren never wanted to leave the safety of the car interior, not wanting the moment to slip away. But Levi broke away from Eren and stepped outside making his way around to the other side. He leaned over and gathered the boy gently into his arms, Eren wasn't able to appreciate THIS particular opportunity earlier but reveled in it now. He cradled Eren against his solid chest and the boy nuzzled his face into the crook of the olders neck. The elevator ride was short and Levi was soon setting Eren on the edge of his bathtub. He soon returned with a glass of water and held it to Eren's lips letting him sip at the cool liquid. It was soothing against his raw throat

"Thanks" Eren gasped after downing it all. Levi nodded and set the empty glass on the sink counter.

"Let's get you cleaned up" Levi said moving for the hem of Erens shirt and he started to panic, Levi would see his cuts, he would see his scars, and all the bruises Eren had accumulated over the last few days. He'd be disgusted by Eren.

"Wait" Eren protested grabbing Levis hand. "I can do it"

"Eren, you can barely breathe, let me help you." Levi pressed. 

Eren felt tears tipping over and running down his cheeks once again, he tried desperately to calm himself, silently willing the tears to stop but to no avail. 

"What's wrong?" Levi sat next to Eren. 

"I...I don't want you to see me." Eren looked away, he couldn't bare to look at Levi right now. 

"You have nothing to worry about, Eren. I just want to help." Levi whispered. "Please? Will you let me?" 

Eren couldn't respond knowing his voice would shake and crack, so he just nodded, holding his breath. Levi started to lift Eren shirt, the boy peeked under his eyelashes to gauge Levi's reaction. The man hesitated for a moment but Eren couldn't read Levi's face. Levi was always good at hiding what he was really feeling, but once in a blue moon the curtain would fall and Eren could see what lay beneath his icy exterior; he could see the concern and joy and complete wonder when Levi spoke about his work and his friends and his passions. It was difficult to see but it was there when his walls fell, but Eren couldn't tel what Levi was thinking.  

Levi got right to work disinfecting the cuts Eren's broken mirror had made, cleaning each wound thoroughly. He was gentle and caring and pulled back, cooing at Eren anytime the disinfectant stung a new cut. 

"How many more?" Eren sucked a breath in sharply. 

"All done back here." Levi said, he knelt in front of Eren and gently tugged at his arms, slowly unfolding them and uncovering Eren's horrific scars and freshest self inflicted cuts. They were deep and hadn't even scabbed yet, despite him doing them being days old. "How old are these?" Levi queried dabbing the peroxide over them. 

Eren made a fist as his open cuts burned "Couple days" he felt so exposed having Levi see his self injury, not only that his body and his cuts and his scars were showing but it was if his mind and his heart and his soul were being torn open and gawked at.

"Can I ask why?" Levi looked up at Eren and all he saw was pain.He wasn't mad, he wasn't grossed out, he was just.. hurt. It wasn't at all what Eren had thought. Not many people knew, but any that did had never reacted like this. 

"I don't know.." Eren shrugged and trailed off "I just..I'm..I..don't know." He had no idea what to say, part of him knew exactly why; he was sad, he hated himself and he needed to feel something, he needed to hurt himself to feel human or he was so overwhelmed with his pathetic life that all he needed to do was numb himself and used it as an escape.

"I'm sorry." Levi gathered Eren into an awkward hug careful not to squeeze his injuries. He held Eren close and planted a kiss on top of his head. "Come on, I'll help you into bed"

Despite the heavy atmosphere clouded with emotion Eren blushed at the innocent comment and couldn't help himself from throwing one back "I bet that's what you say to all the boys" 

Levi snorted "Yeah, you know me, a real smooth talker" He smirked "Mr. Popular"

Levi held Eren up as they walked into the bedroom, Levi sat him down on the bed. He slipped a clean t-shirt over Erens head, and helped him out of his jeans. Eren wondered if Levi noticed him blushing when his hands grazed over the front of his pants undoing the zipper. He wished Levi was taking his pants off for a whole other reason and would have made a sarcastic remark but to be honest he didn't think he could stay awake any longer. The events of the day and draining emotion had his eyelids drooping, Eren was safe now, Levi had made sure of that. He heard Levi milling around the apartment, but the last thing he remembered was the mattress shifting under Levis weight as he clambered in next to Eren and slid an arm around his back bringing him close. This was where Eren belonged, this was home. 

"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for taking the time to read!! I'd appreciate any feedback you have in the comments ^_^ Mwah!


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